Zan The Sports Man

Psychology and Sports: Social Anxiety Disorder

2010-08-10T18:10:00.004-04:00

Crazy people are awesome. Let’s face it, whether it’s the lunatic who stands on the corner praising Jesus for 27 hours a day, the insane man on the corner exposing his junk to anyone who walks by, or just plain old Mel Gibson, crazy people always make for some good new fashioned fun in terms of entertainment. The world, however, has this insatiable need to be politically correct, and so the world of psychology has come up with different labels for these crazy people so as to explain how they became crazy and why they remain that way. Usually it comes down to having your Uncle Jimmy molesting you when you were three and he deceived you into eating a Mr. Big that wasn’t quite a chocolate bar, but there are indeed other causes for psychological disorders.

For instance, sports.

Sports are fun to watch, play, and be a part of. They help build up our sense of identity as we triumph when our team triumphs, and force us into severe, painful, shoot-me-now-because-Roy-Halladay-is-a-Phillie-and-will-never-pitch-for-the-Jays-again-and-I-don’t-see-the-point-in-living-anymore depression when our teams are defeated. Sometimes, though, when the stars align, when the sun no longer shines, and when the poets run out of rhymes, the world of psychology and the world of sports combine to give us some of the most fascinating combinations. Combinations such as…

Zack Greinke

Zack Greinke is a pitcher for the Kansas City Royals. If you know anything about the Royals these days, you’d know that their fans are praying that a time machine takes them back to the 80s when the team actually did something called ‘win.’ Heading into the 2003 season, though, the Royals had some high hopes in leaning on this guy named Greinke. Mr. Greinke had a nice bit of credentials to his name, being selected as the 2002 Gatorade High School Player of the Year. He turned down a full scholarship to Clemson to pursue a quicker, better, and altogether more productive career in professional baseball. He pitched serviceably in his rookie season, but then mysteriously played like what can only be described as a shit-dripping anus in his sophomore year. Normally, this is just attributed to a sophomore slump, but there was something else that was wrong with Greinke that wasn’t due to being a second year player.

He had social anxiety disorder.

Before I can tell you what a social anxiety disorder is, though, I have to tell you what a phobia is. As you all may very well know, a phobia is just a severely irrational fear of a certain object, place, or situation. For instance, lots of people are afraid of snakes, or rats for no particular reason. Some people are scared of enclosed spaces, hence we have claustrophobia. Some people are scared of cocks. Yup, you read that right. There are people out there who are terrified of boners. It's called PHALLOPHOBIA.

Now that you know what a phobia is, you probably have a general idea of what social anxiety disorder is, unless you have no common sense, which is scientifically known as being a 'retard.'

Social anxiety disorder is a phobia that is, of course, characterized by a morbid fear of any kind of social situation. People who have this disorder constantly live in fear of being judged or becoming humiliated over such trivial things as, say, throwing a baseball incorrectly. It usually happens because (surprise!) the person in question was subjected to humiliation as a child in some kind of social situation. My guess is that as a child, Greinke was bullied, or gang raped, or possibly both. In terms of what part of the brain it affects, people with social anxiety disorder have been shown to have a hypersensitive amygdala. The amygdala is the part of your brain that is responsible for the fight-or-flight mechanism, which will tell you whether you should stay or go from a situation. If it is hypersensitive, you will run from situations far more than you will stay. In addition to this, chances are you will remember negative childhood memories more intensely because the amygdala is also part of the limbic system, which deals with emotions and shit. If Greinke has a hypersensitive amygdala, which he does, he likely remembers the gang rape vividly. Very vividly.

When brought into social situations, these people will become extremely nervous, often blushing, sweating, and in extreme cases, having a full blown panic attack. No, not the kind of panic attack that you have when you have an essay due in ten minutes and you've only written three words out of ten thousand, an actual panic attack. Wikipedia says the following about panic attacks:

"Sufferers of panic attacks often report a fear or sense of dying, "going crazy," or experiencing a heart attack or "flashing vision," feeling faint or nauseated, a numb sensation throughout the body, heavy breathing (and almost always, hyperventilation), or losing control of themselves."

Greinke even had himself one of these, according to Jeff passan of Yahoo Sports:

"Greinke couldn’t spend time in the clubhouse without panicking. He did extra exercises and weightlifting at home because he couldn’t stand being at the Royals’ complex. On February 25th, during a bullpen session, catcher John Buck noticed Greinke throwing harder than usual. Each pitch sizzled more than the previous. They got progressively wild."

Oh, did I mention that Zack Greinke is a starting pitcher for the Kansas City Royals? Ipso facto, he has to do his job in front of thousands of people every night, so you can only imagine the terror going on through his head on EVERY FUCKING PITCH he throws. Following a stellar rookie season in which he looked like he would live up to the hype, Greinke followed this up by going 5-18 while allowing an average of about six runs per game. It was an odd occurence which became even odder when the organization looked into Greinke as a person. His teammates described him as “quiet...oddly so. He kept to himself in the clubhouse and didn’t go out on the road. Conversations with him never lasted too long and sometimes ended with an awkward goodbye.”

In essence, he's like that guy who you know because you met in first year of college, but loathe seeing because you know you're going to have to spend the longest five minutes of your life having an awkward conversation with him. Usually, it goes like this:

First you try to avoid eye contact, or pretend like your really into your music because you conveniently have headphones, but they inevitably spot you and strike up a conversation

You: "Oh hey man"
Awkward Guy: "What's up dude?!"
You: "Not much man, just heading to class"
Awkward Guy: "Oh yeah? What class?"
You: "Russian History"
Awkward Guy: "Oh. That's cool"

Then you stand there for five minutes looking around as if there's something you actually want to talk to this person about and eventually pretend like you're running late for your class which doesn't start for another hour. I imagine this is how goodbyes were with Zack Greinke, except you probably put it off as him just being strange, or shy, and not downright fucking annoying like that first year college guy.

Getting back to social anxiety disorder, though, it's not a disorder when you're simply scared of certain situations. Sure, it's always a pain in the ass and scary as shit to try and hide your boner when you're talking to that gorgeous girl for the first time, but that's normal. It's only diagnosed as social anxiety disorder when it gets in the way of your daily life. Like when you don't want to leave your house because you're scared you might come into contact with other people and have to actually, say, interact with them.

Usually when someone gets social anxiety disorder, it's comorbid with some other problem. Comorbidity just means that you have another psychological problem that combined with the psychological problem you already have. In Greinke's case, he was also diagnosed with severe depression. Fuck me, this guy's life sucked for a few years.

If you're a baseball fan, you'll know that Zack Greinke won the Cy Young award for best pitcher in the American League in 2009. If you're not a baseball fan, then you should know that's a really big deal. He went 16-8, allowing just over 2 runs per game while striking out 242 batters in just 229 innings. The question, though, is how did he get over it?

Social anxiety disorder normally has several treatments, but the most likely one is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT is just changing the way a person thinks about a certain situation, while also placing them in that situation to help overcome the problem. In this case, whoever his therapist was spent a year getting Greinke to understand that everyone was not judging him on every little thing he said or thinking he was a terrible pitcher just because he threw ball one instead of strike one. As well as this, they would have put Greinke in gradually heavier social situations to help him overcome his fear. Although this looks and sounds like it's about to become an Australian porno, this is the best I could do to show you what CBT looks like.

There's also many different drugs that they probably gave Greinke to change levels of certain chemicals in his brain, but that's a little too sciency, so we'll skip that part.

Don't get it twisted, though, not all players can get over this disorder. Although it didn't happen to him until his sixth season, Khalil Greene was also diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. He had five fairly good seasons with the San Diego Padres, becoming their career leader in homeruns by a shortstop, but melted down halfway through his 2009 season with the Cardinals after a slow start to the season. He didn't play the rest of the season and was released. At the beginning of the 2010 season, the Texas Rangers signed Greene, only to have him fail to report to spring training because of his social anxiety disorder. He hasn't played a game since.

Taylor Swift, You Belong With ME

2010-07-24T15:06:00.010-04:00

Before you begin reading this post, I'd like to forewarn you, it has nothing to do with sports. Absolutely nothing. I know the title of this blog is 'Zan the Sports Man' and that you'd naturally expect some sort of post about baseball or soccer or some kind of athletic sport. Today, you're wrong.

Today, I'd like to take a minute to tell you about a very special person in my life. She's been in and out of my life for the past few years, but it wasn't until I picked up a copy of Band Hero that I realized how important she is to me. As I drummed away to some tunes, playing my heart out to some of the catchiest songs out there, I looked up into the sky and realized this feeling that I have for this woman in the pit of my stomach. Before I begin though, let's recap the day.

It all started in the morning. The birds were chirping, the sun was out, I woke up pitching a tent; it was perfect. As a recent university graduate (U of T, what! what!), I typically wake up at quarter past 1 in the afternoon, simply because I have literally fuck all to do in the day besides kill some bastards in Uncharted and perhaps smashing some homeruns against the (fucking) Yankees in MLB10: The Show. As my mailman is only what I would describe as the most terrible, utterly useless individual on the face of the earth, I eagerly awaited a package that I had ordered in the mail. My mailman is like the Flash when it comes to delivering packages, but if the Flash was fat, obese, and couldn't run so fast (I suppose they wouldn't call him the Flash if that was the case...it would be more fitting to call him the Apathetic. Or the Dawdle. Or the Lollygagger. Let's go with Lollygagger). Packages that I regularly order off ebay (mostly counterfeit, of course) take weeks and weeks to get here, and that's not simply because they all fell off the back of a truck in Hong Kong (although, most of the time, it is). Anyhow, upon hearing the soft thud of a package dropping through my mailbox, I quickly shot out of bed because I knew it was here; Band Hero had arrived.

I had ordered the game because my inner homosexual had asked me to do so. It yearned to play such smash hits as YMCA by the Village People and Wannabe by the Spice Girls. I was slightly frightened for my reputation at first, but gosh darn it, if playing these songs will label me as a homosexual simply because I like to have some good new fashioned fun and jam to tunes sung by homosexuals and women advocating girl power, then slap some leather chaps on me and fuck my asshole (On second thought, please refrain from this and pay close attention to the 'No Entry' sign above my butt crack. Seriously, get that vibrator out of the immediate vicinity).

Upon reaching the door of my apartment, I realized that two packages had arrived today! It was a miracle! The Lollygagger was finally doing his job! Upon having this thought enter my head, however, I realized that that lazy bastard fuck-a-doodle-doo must have had these packages for days and decided to deliver them on the same afternoon to make his life easier. You sly piece of shit, Lollygagger, you. I quickly tore open the first package to find the 20 dollar Fernando Torres key chain that I simply had to have upon seeing it on ebay (if you're wondering, bidding started at 99 cents, but I just couldn't let those fuckers outbid me on the last day. In hindsight, I should've chosen the 3 dollar "Buy It Now" option. Enh, I still beat someone at something).

After seven hours of trying to take my keys off my old keychain and putting them on my new one, severely blistering and cutting my fingers in the process, I finally got the chance to play the game that I so longed to play. After finishing off "Mr. Roboto" and "Kung Fu Fighting" (yes, those songs are actually in the game, and yes, they are motherfucking badass), I decided to try something new, something that I'd never played before: I decided to play some Taylor Swift.

Now I knew very little about T-Swizzle heading into this song besides the fact that her track "You Belong With Me" was as catchy as a the clap. Or crabs. Or both. Not that I'd know or anything. Anyhow, for whatever reason the inner fifteen year old girl inside of me set up a Taylor Swift setlist consisting of "You Belong With Me" and followed by "Love Story." After destroying "You Belong With Me" on drums, I was truly into it and up next was "Love Story," and that's when it happened:

That's when I fell in love with Taylor Swift.

I tried to understand what was happening. I've never been in love before, so I couldn't quite comprehend this bizzarre tingling in my loins. Sure, I'd felt a tingle near my dingle before, but it simply wasn't the same tingling that I felt when I saw, say, Boner Jams 7. No, this tingling meant much more. I didn't simply want to sleep with Taylor Swift (i.e. engage in coitus), I actually wanted to just sleep with Taylor Swift (i.e. take a nap in the summertime afternoon in the middle of a field with nothing but clear skies and her head bobbing up and down on my chest as I breathe and stroke her hair with her in my arms.)

Realization doesn't always set in initially, though, and so upon having this feeling in my chest, my brain, and my general crotchal area, I began the denial phase. "What's wrong with you Zan?! You're 21 years old! This is prime time for fooling around, not time to settle down and get married! Come to your senses!" Before I could help it, Haddaway began asking me questions.

I began bopping my head sideways to his catchy beat and then realized the deeper, underlying, philosophical question he was trying to reiterate to all of us who now simply associate him with the guy who used to play Mango on SNL. After a few seconds of deep contemplation and thought, I decided to try something different to get me out of this mood. But even fucking Eminem and Lil Wayne were getting in on this shit. I could resist no longer, I decided to let love rule and downloaded Taylor Swift's Fearless album (illegally, of course, although I'm uncertain as to why that's even a question at this point). After jamming out to "Love Story" and "You Belong With Me" once again, I came across this:

Oh. Em. Motherfucking. G (GET IT?! BECAUSE SHE'S A G!). Not only can T-Swizzle bring it on the lovey dovey emotional tracks, but she can rap like a gangbanger out of south beach too. This can't be possible. She lives with her parents and she's still a thug. Sweet, girl next door type? Check. She doesn't go to clubs so that she can make cookies at home, meaning she can probs make some good ass food, meaning she's not a sloo bag. Awesome. AND she can rap like a motherfucking g? Check. Please marry me now.

Now I know what you're thinking, you're thinking "Zan, puhlease. You'll never get close enough to Taylor Swift to even talk to her, let alone ask her out on a date, let alone have her fall in love with you, let alone marry her." This is where you are wrong, dear naysayers, you bitch ass motherfuckers. I have officially made it my life mission to become Taylor Swift's husband, and somehow, some way, some where, I will talk to her, date her, love her, marry her, and have her babies (not necessarily in that order, either, because we all know that if I can impregnate her, then she's stuck for life. Ha. Ha. Ha. Bitches) Joe Jonas and his gorgeous hair ain't got shit on me arright?

So, my dear Cracked readers, I leave you here at the beginning of this journey, at the start of a very long, winding, destructive, likely cul-de-sac (that's French for dead end, you dumb fuck. Read a book or something. If you understood, the good job. Pat yourself on the back like the douchecake that you are for being smug about knowing what it means. You know who else used to pat himself on the back? This douchebag. Yeah. He's a real gem, that guy) of a road. Hopefully, I'll keep you updated on this journey, but if I'm too lazy, or the people hate me, or I die in a hole full of dildos that your sister used to kill me in some demonic, evil (albeit hilarious), bitch of a way, then this shall just disappear into the abyss that is forgotten Cracked articles, so you won't have to worry about it anyways, right?

8 Really Silly Sports Injuries

2010-07-16T16:52:00.004-04:00

This is a really weird bit of news that I just heard today: Mat Latos, starting pitcher for the San Diego Padres, hit the disabled list this afternoon after he pulled his left side because he held in a sneeze. He will be sidelined for 15 days.

I thought about it and I decided that this would be an appropriate time to compile a list of other bizzarre injuries that have occured in the sports world, starting with...

1. John Smoltz - Injury by iron

When you think of the name John Smoltz, you think Cy Young, Atlanta Braves, hall of fame, right? Well if you know about him trying to iron his shirt WHILE IT WAS STILL ON HIM, you'd also think 'moron'. Although it is only a rumour, it's a pretty silly way to get injured.

2. Sammy Sosa - Injury by sneeze

Continuing with the sneezing theme, Sosa was sidelined for a game in 1998 when a sneeze caused back spasms. While his teammates took the field, he was in the training room getting treatment on his injured back. In hindsight, he probably forgot to take his injection that day (zing!)

3. Adam Eaton - Injury by stabbing...self

Another Padres pitcher having a ridiculous injury, Eaton actually stabbed himself while trying to unwrap a DVD. I don't really know what to say about this one, but to be fair, some of that new vacuum sealed packaging can be ultra tricky to open. Just ask Larry David

4. Kevin Mitchell - Injury by eating

Although I had certainly never heard of him before, this man injured himself several tiems because of food. He once strained a muscle from vommitting, which leads me to believe that he was either food poisoned, bullimic, or both. Then, a few years later, he hit the disabled list after eating a donut...which caused him to need a root canal.

5. Marty Cordova - Injury by tanning bed

Marty Cordova, once the rookie of the year in the American League, also apparently felt the need to keep up his orange skin tone while playing for the Baltimore Orioles. To do this, he wouldn't just stay in the outfield and get a natural tan like a normal person, but rather spent afternoons in a tanning bed. On one such occassion, the tanning bed burned his face. He was forced to miss a game after the doctor ordered him to stay out of sunlight.

6. Kendry Morales, Bill Gramatica - Injury by celebration

These two have quite the unique injury to their name. Gramatica, then a kicker for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, tore his right (non-kicking) ACL after leaping into the air following his game winning field goal in a football game and landing awkwardly. Morales actually broke his leg earlier this year after hitting a walk off homerun for the Angels and then leaping onto home plate. Winning can hurt, sometimes too.

7. Plaxico Burress - Injury by gunshot

Now normally when I say 'injury by gunshot,' you would assume someone else shot him, right? Wrong. Mr. Burress shot himself in the leg at a night club in New York one night (with an unlicensed gun at that!) and was sent to prison. He's still there.

8. Clarence Blethen - Injury by dentures

Clarence Blethen was apparently a pitcher for the Boston Red Sox, who decided that he would look much tougher if he took out his false teeth while he pitched. He would slip them into his back pocket while batting and put them back on whenever he took the mound again. On one play, though, Blethen forgot that he had his dentures in his back pocket and literally bit himself in the ass sliding into second base.

There you have it, 8 extremely silly sports injuries that could've, should've and would've been prevented if the players who caused them were a little smarter. Or luckier.

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10 Things You Should Know About England vs. Algeria

2010-06-17T16:47:00.005-04:00

Round 2 of the group stage has officially begun, if you want to call it that. With Mexico beating France this afternoon, things are beginning to shape up in some groups and we're starting to see who's a contender and who's a pretender. It's always nice to take a look into a team's history, though, so let's look at 10 things you need to know about England vs. Algeria:

England

1. England, along with Scotland, are the two oldest football teams in the world as they first played each other in a match in 1872.

2. Of the current squad, captain Steven Gerrard is the most internationally experienced, holding 81 caps, while Wayne Rooney is the leading goalscorer with 25 goals in 61 matches.

3. Tottenham Hotspur have the most representatives on the squad with 5 north Londoners on the team (Ledley King, Aaron Lennon, Michael Dawson, Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch)

4. Their sole win of the glorious trophy came at the 1966 World Cup at home in London where they won 4-2 against ze West Germans. Geoff Hurst scored a hat-trick in the final.

5. England is currently ranked 8th in the FIFA World rankings. Their most capped player is Peter Shilton at 125 games played, Sir Bobby Charlton is the leading goalscorer at 49 and they have never fallen below 27th on the world rankings

Algeria

1. The Algerian football team nickname is "Les Fennecs" which translates to "The Desert Foxes." I'm undecided as to whether that's cool or lame.

2. Algeria will be making their third appearance at the world cup, having been eliminated in the first round in their prior appearances in 1982 and 1986.

3. They are currently ranked 30th in the FIFA World Rankings. Their highest position in the rankings was 26th, while their lowest was at 103rd, telling you that they have come a long way.

4. The Algerians' biggest accomplishment on the international stage is certainly their win of the 1990 African Cup of Nations.

5. Their most capped player is Yazid Mansouri at 67 matches played. Their leading goalscorer is Raifik Saifi, scoring 19 goals in 63 matches.

England and Algeria have never played each other on the international stage, but if I were to go by whether three lions or desert foxes would win a fight, I would certainly go with the three lions.

If you liked this, check out Zan Rathore's Sports Blog

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Some Things That Might Excite You For Japan vs. Cameroon

2010-06-13T16:40:00.003-04:00

It's always nice to read about whatever team is in the spotlight (i.e. England and Robert Green), but somtimes I find it nice to look into the less popular teams to get a good grasp on what else is going on in this tournament. Tomorrow morning (or afternoon, depending on where you live) Cameroon and Japan go head to head in a battle of a pretty tough group E. Here are some things you might not have known about the two sides.

Japan

1. Although they have no official nickname, they have apparently been recently dubbed the Samurai Blue, which is pretty kickass if you ask me.

2. Japan is currently ranked 45th in the FIFA world rankings. They have qualified for the last four world cups and their best result came in 2002 when they were knocked out in the round of 16 by Turkey.

3. The Japanese's biggest success has come at the Asian Cup, which they have hoisted three times (1992, 2000, 2004) out of the six appearances they have made at it.

4. Of the players on their current squad, captain Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi leads all players with 116 caps. If you're wondering why it's taking him so long to get a goal to his name for Japan, it's because he's a goalkeeper. Defender Yuji Nakazawa is not far behind at 105 caps, with Shunsuke Nakamura (97) and Yoshi Endo (94) rounding out a fairly experienced team. From the current squad, Nakamura leads all with 24 goals.

5. Japan has one of the highest sponsorship deals of all national teams, making about 16.5 million pounds based on sponsorships alone. Some of their sponsors include Adidas, Sony and Fujifilm.

Cameroon

1. Possibly one of the best nicknames in sport, the indomitable lions are Africa's most successful nation when it comes to football. They have qualified six times for the tournament and their successes include a quarterfinal appearance in 1990, 4 African Nations Cups and a runner up spot at the Confederation's Cup.

2. They are currently ranked 19th in the FIFA World Rankings

3. For those that can recall the promising talent that was Marc-Vivien Foe, you must have played a lot of championship manager in years past. In 2003, he collapsed on the field in the 72nd minute in a confederations cup match against Colombia and later died of hypertropic cardiomyopathy, which is a fancy way for saying that you are prone to sudden death while exercising. It was the saddest moment in Cameroonian football history, and a sad moment in football history on the whole as well.

4. Of their current squad, Rigobert Song holds the most caps at 133. Not far behind him is Geremi at 109, and captain Samuel Eto'o at 96.

5. Eto'o is also the all time leading goalscorer for his country, scoring 43 goals, presumably in a fashion that only Samuel Eto'o is capable of.

Japan and Cameroon have squared of a grand total of 3 times with Japan winning twice and the two sides drawing once.

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10 Things You May Not Have Known About Netherlands vs. Denmark

2010-06-13T12:53:00.003-04:00

The greatest competition in the world is in full swing, well underway, and every other cliche you could think of for 'having started already,' but how much do we really know about all these teams? The Netherlands and Denmark kick off the action tomorrow morning (or afternoon, depending on what part of the world you live in) so let's take a look into both sides before making and assumptions about either team.

The Netherlands

1. The Dutch have gone to the tournament 8 times, making their maiden appearance at the World Cup in 1934, but have never won the competition. Johan Cruyff and his brilliant left foot helping the nation to appear in two straight finals in 1974 and 1978 (although he wasn't in the 78 side), but losing both to ze Germans and Argentina, respectively.

2. The team's greatest success at the international level is being crowned European champions in 1988. The victory was sweetened a little by the fact that they got revenge over the same German side that had beaten them in the world cup finals in 1974 by kicking them to the curb in the semi-finals.

3. Clockwork Oranje also got revenge over the Argentinians in the 98 world cup, after the now famous "pulled down by Bergkamp!!!" 89th minute goal knocked out Argentina in the quarterfinals.

4. Edwin Van Der Sar is the most capped Dutchman of all time, appearing in 130 matches for the Netherlands. Patrick Kluivert has kicked the most balls (into the back of the net) for the team, scoring 40 goals in 79 matches. Captain Giovanni Van Bronckhorst (remember him?) will lead the team into the tournament as captain, and is also the most experienced, sitting at 99 caps before the tournament began. Robin van Persie is the man with the most goals on the current squad with 18.

5. The Netherlands are currently ranked 4th in the FIFA world rankings.

Denmark

1. Denmark have appeared in the World Cup on three previous occassions in 1986, 1998 and 2002. Their best result came in 1998 when the made it all the way to the quarterfinals. Their current FIFA ranking is 36.

2. Denmark's biggest triumph on the international stage is winning the 1992 European championship. Ironically enough (I hope I'm using that term correctly), they were never meant to be in that tournament, as they only qualified due to Yugoslavia having to pull out because of the wars going on in their country. They also took home the Confederations Cup in 1995 in their only appearance in that tournament.

3. Danish fans have adopted the notion of roligism, which, contrary to what it might seem like, is actually the opposite of hooliganism. The term "rolig" translates to "calm," something that is reinforced by all Danish supporters.

4. Although you might not notice it until it is brought to your attention, Denmark employs the old school system of numbering their players based on their position. The goalkeeper will wear 1, the defenders 2, 3, 4, and 5, and so on and so forth. All substitutes will wear numbers 12-16.

5. The highest capped Dane in the current squad is John Dahl Tomasson with 110 appearances. Not far behind him are Dennis Rommedahl (96), Martin Jorgensen (96) and Tomas Sorensen (87), making for an experienced squad. Currently sitting at 51 goals, if Tomasson manages to score 2 goals in the tournament, he will surpass Poul Nielsen (52 goals) for the all time lead.

The most important statistic of all, however, is the all time matchup between these two nations. In 27 matches against each other, the Netherlands hold the advantage, winning 11 times and losing only 6. They have drawn 10 times. The Dutch have also historically outscored the Danes 55 to 36. The most important match between the two took place in the 1992 European championship semi-finals, where Denmark beat the defending European champion Oranje on penalties and then proceeded to beat defending world champs Germany in the final.

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World Cup Facts: Individual Achievements

2010-06-08T01:58:00.005-04:00

Whether you're a die hard fan whose heart breaks a little when one of your friends chooses Manchester United over Liverpool to support (it happened to me the other day. A little part of my love for that friend literally died on the spot), or a casual fan who thinks that they're talking about (fat) Ronaldo when they're really talking about (gay) Ronaldo, there's this little thing called the World Cup of football that you will be unable to avoid wherever you are on this planet in the upcoming month.

Let's face it, most of the time in the world of football, we care a lot more about the individual players than the actual team. Case in point: the most capped player for North Korea is named Kim Yong-Jun. He has made 53 appearances for the North Korean football team, and yet I am certain that nobody has ever heard of him (or any of the other North Korean players, for that matter), and thus we hear nothing about North Korea in the days leading up to the World Cup. They would probably have more publicity if they just let Kim Jong-Il play striker. Wouldn't that be something?

Anyhow, individual accomplishments at the World Cup are what players are remembered for, how legacies are created, and how legends are made. If you can't succeed at the World Cup, you will not necessarily be forgotten (see: George Best), but you will most certainly be remembered worldwide (obviously) for your accomplishments or failures on the grand stage (see: Roberto Baggio).

Some player facts for your enjoyment (and your enjoyment only):

1. Antonio Carbajal (Mexico) and Lothar Matthaus (Germany) have both played in the most FIFA World Cups, appearing in 5 each. Of the two, Matthaus holds the record for most matches played, appearing in 25 world cup matches for ze Germans.

2. Pele (do I really need to put 'Brazil' here?) has his name on the most world cup trophies, being a champion on three separate occasions (1958, 1962, 1970)

3. Paolo Maldini has been up on the silver screen for the longest amount of literal time. In his international career, Maldini logged 2,217 minutes for Italy at the coupe du monde.

4. Cafu (Brazil) has won the most matches as a player, having been on the winning side of a world cup match 16 times.

5. Diego Maradonna (again, you should know he's from Argentina. If not, perhaps you should consider not coming to this website anymore...or killing yourself) has captained the most matches for his country at the world cup, getting that lovely yellow armband 16 times.

6. The youngest ever player at the world cup was Norman Whiteside for Northern Ireland in 1982 at 17 years and 41 days. The youngest player to appear in a final was Pele at 17 years and 249 days. The youngest player to appear in a qualifying match was Soleymane Mamam (Togo) at 13 years and 310 days. That would make him an 8th grader. Remember what you were doing in 8th grade? That's right. You were discovering the wonders of touching your penis. Shame on you for not being in a world cup qualifying match.

7. The oldest player ever at the world cup was Roger Milla for Cameroon at 42 years and 39 days (1994). The oldest player to appear in a final was Dino Zoff (Italy) at 40 years and 133 days (1982). The oldest player in a qualifying match was MacDonald Taylor from the US Virgin Islands (which is here, in case you were wondering) at 46 years and 180 days in 2004. The oldest ever captain was Peter Shilton for England at 40 years and 292 days (1990)

8. (fat) Ronaldo has tickled the twine the most times of any international player. He has 15 career goals at the tournament. Of those 15 goals, he scored them in 11 different matches, which is also a record.

9. Overall, including qualifying, (you won't see this coming) Ali Daei of Iran has scored the most goals of any other player. He has 35.

10. Just Fontaine of France is by far the best golden boot winner of all time. He somehow managed to net 13 goals in the 1958 installment of the tournament. Unfortunately, he was forced to retire due to injury a few years later and could not add to this total. Impressively, though, his 13 goals in the single tournament put him at 3rd place in the standings for all time career goals scored by a player.

11. Archie Thompson proved that Australians are complete dicks (ok well maybe not entirely, but for this match they were) as he holds the all time record for most goals in a qualifying match. He scored and unheard of 13 goals in a qualifying match against American Samoa. Go on then. Guess the final score. 13-0 you say? Take a look at this.

That's just mean.

12. Geoff Hurst's hat-trick for England against ze Germans in the 1966 final remains the highest total of any player in one final.

13. Sander Kocis of Hungary gets little attention from anyone, but his records are certainly impressive. He holds the record for most matches played in a world cup with at least 2 goals or more, scoring at least twice in four different world cup matches. What's more impressive? He did it in four straight world cup matches. He's also tied with three others for the most hat tricks in a world cup with two. Yeah. He did that in consecutive games too.

14. Alcides Ghiggia of Uruguay (4 goals in 4 matches), Just Fontaine of France (13 goals in 6 matches, and Jairzinho of Brazil (7 goals in 6 matches) are the only three men to ever accomplish the feat of scoring in every match they ever played at the world cup.

15. Pele holds the record for youngest goalscorer at the world cup, youngest player to score a hat trick at the world cup, and youngest player to score in the final, doing it all in fine style at the 1958 tournament at the tender age of 17.

16. Hakan Sukur's (Turkey) 11 second goal in 2002 against Korea was the fastest in world cup history. Ebbe Sand (Denmark) took 16 seconds to score off the bench in 1998 to have the fastest goal after being substituted on. Johan Neeskens (Netherlands) took a wee bit longer at 90 seconds to score the fastest goal in the final.

17. The man, the myth, the legend, Alessandro Del Piero is the War Machine (it'll make sense in a second, I promise) of world cup goalscoring. His 121st minute goal against Germany in the 2006 is the latest goal to be scored in the tournament's history. The Ironman title, however, belongs to Geoff Hurst. He left his late game heroics for the best time by scoring in the 120th minute against Germany in the 1966 final to lead England to their one and only title.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Elton John - The Bitch Is Back
Kings of Leon - Red Morning Light
Survivor - Eye of the Tiger
Fatboy Slim - Right Here, Right Now
Owen Pallet - He Poos Clouds
Arctic Monkeys - The Bakery
Friendly Fires - Skeleton Boy
Bloc Party - Talons
Wonder Girls - Nobody

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World Cup Facts: Gone Streaking

2010-06-07T16:04:00.004-04:00

Whether you’re a die hard fan whose heart breaks a little when one of your friends chooses Manchester United over Liverpool to support (it happened to me the other day. A little part of my love for that friend literally died on the spot), or a casual fan who thinks that they’re talking about (fat) Ronaldo when they’re really talking about (gay) Ronaldo, there’s this little thing called the World Cup of football that you will be unable to avoid wherever you are on this planet in the upcoming month.

Yesterday I went through a bunch of all time facts about the World Cup, but today we're going to take a look at some of the all time best streaks that have occured in the tournament's history (unfortunately, we're not talking about the kind of streaking as seen above). So without further adiueu, here are some top streaks from the World Cup:

1. Italy (1934, 1938) and Brazil (1958, 1962) have won the most consecutive world cups at two.

2. Germany (1982-1990) and Brazil (1994-2002) have made the most consecutive finals appearances at three in a row each.

3. Brazil has made the most consecutive world cups, appearing in all 19 tournaments.

4. Luxembourg has attempted to qualify for the tournament 18 times (1934-2010). They have failed 18 times in a row.

5. Brazil holds the record for most consecutive wins (11 from 2002-2006) as well as most games without a loss (13 from 1958-1966).

6. Mexico has the worst losing streak, having 9 straight losses from 1930-1958. Ouch.

7. To add insult to injury, during that same losing streak, Mexico also formed another record; most consecutive matches allowing 2 or more goals in a match.

8. Bulgaria was winless for 17 straight matches from 1962-1994.

9. Brazil and Germany both found the net in 18 straight matches. That is a whole lotta scoring action.

10. From 1930-1954, Uruguay scored 2 goals or more in every world cup match they played.

11. From 1934-1994, Switzerland just couldn't keep their sheets clean. They allowed at least 1 goal in 22 straight world cup matches.

World Cup Facts: All Time

2010-06-06T12:20:00.003-04:00

Baby, It Hurts To Love You...

2010-06-05T15:18:00.002-04:00

He wasn't perfect, but he got the job done last night, leading the Phillies over the Padres in a 3-2 victory. Mr. Halladay wasn't quite his usual self, giving up 10 hits over 7 innings, but it was still enough to pick up his 8th win of the season. His line:

7.0 IP, 10H, 2ER, 1BB, 7K

His WHIP goes over 1 (1.03) for the second time this season while his ERA gets pushed to 2.03. Following Chase Headley's 2-out single in the first inning, Phillies fans were a little unimpressed, but gave Mr. Halladay a standing O nonetheless. Here's what the man had to say about it:

“I would love to have let them know I wasn’t going to do it again,” Halladay said with a laugh. “It was pretty cool. That’s why it’s great to play in a city like this. The fans are second to none.”

That stings a bit. Nevertheless, I still love the man.

The simple lack of her is more to me than others' presence.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Passion Pit - Little Secret

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History 101: Lakers-Celtics

2010-06-01T19:08:00.004-04:00

The 2010 NBA finals are looming and it's a Lakers-Celtics final for the second time in three seasons. Whomever I speak with has an opinion and normally anyone who picks the Celtics over the Lakers gets a slap in the face from me, but it's always fun to take a look back on storied rivalries.

The Lakers and Celtics have hated each other since the beginning of time and they've met 11 times in the finals prior to this year. The Boston dynasty that was the 1950s-60s won the first 8 meetings betweem the two sides, until the Lakers decided to take a stand in 1985.

Prior to 1985, however, the Celtics dominated the Lakers like a sadistic maniac wearing a leather mask. They swept the Minneapolis Lakers in 1959, and won each finals series against their hated rivals in 1962, 1963, 1965, 1966, 1969 and 1984. That is a whole lotta heartbreak for any Laker fans out there. A lot of those Celtics teams were made up of Bill Russell and Bob Cousy, but the Lakers had a moral victory in the end as they had the motherfucking man who they modelled the NBA logo after. Speaking of Jerry West, wikipedia is telling me that he won the MVP in the 1969 finals (which the Lakers lost) and was rewarded for that accomplishment with a Volkswagen Beetle. Pretty cool right? Yeah. Maybe if it wasn't the exact colour of the team you just lost to. That's seriously just adding insult to injury.

I don't really know anything about those matchups in the 60s, so I can't really say much about them besides give you the facts.

1984 Finals

I do, however, know a little bit about Larry Bird and Magic Johnson, who were the stars of the 1984, 1985 and 1987 finals showdowns. After 15 years of not featuring against each other in the finals, both superstars led their respected teams back into the promised land. Unfortunately for Los Angeles, they were ousted in 7 games. Things to note from that series:

-Magic Johnson had 21 assists in game 3
-Larry Bird said his team played like sissies in that game
-Kevin Mchale knocked over Kurt Rambis going for an easy layup to demonstrate the hate between the teams. Kurt Rambis, however, looks like this, so you can't really blame him

1985 Finals

A repeat of the finals from the last year was sure to make for great TV. It reminds me a lot like what's happening right now, or even the Pittsburgh Penguins-Detroit Red Wings matchups from 2008-2009. The Lakers won the series 4 games to 2 and took their first win over Boston in the finals in 8 attempts. Anyhow, things to note from this series:

-It's the first time that the finals had a 2-3-2 format, with Boston hosting the first two games, LA the next 3 and then back to Boston for the next two (if necessary)
-An ancient Kareem-Abdul Jabbar (aged 38 at the time) won series MVP by scoring 30 points in 3 of the 6 games played, becoming the oldest MVP in finals history.

1987 Finals

For the first time, the Lakers gained homecourt advantage over Boston in the finals as they finished the regular season with a 65-17 record as opposed to Boston's 59-23. The Lakers prevailed once more with a 4 games to 2 series win.

-Michael Cooper hit six three pointers in game 3, which was a record at the time (Kenny Smith...yes that Kenny Smith...passed him in 1995 with 7 for the Houston Rockets).
-Magic Johnson was named MVP of the series, averaging 26 points, 13 assists, 8 rebounds and 2 steals per game.

2008 Finals

The Celtics and Lakers didn't meet until 21 years after their last finals meeting, with Boston being the favourite after winning both matchups against LA in the regular season. That was, however, before the Lakers traded for Pau Gasol.

-Kobe Bryant scored a series high 36 points in game 3
-The Celtics erased the largest deficit in finals history after being down 45-21 at halftime and coming back to win game 4
-The final game of the series was an absolute blowout with Boston winning 131-92 to close out the series. It is the largest ever margin that a team has won by in the finals to clinch a victory.

It should be an interesting matchup for 2010 as well as both teams are strong and will surely put together a very entertaining series. One thing to keep in mind is that Boston leads the all time matchup 40-27 in finals games. Hey LA, please do us all a favour;

Beat Boston.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Usher - OMG
Lupe Fiasco - Go Go Gadget Flow
The Beach Boys - Do You Wanna Dance?
The Big Pink - Dominos
Collective Soul - Run
Bloc Party - One Month Off
The Ting Tings - Fruit Machine
Kevin Rudolf - Let It Rock (Filthy Dukes Mix)

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Projections...Toronto Blue Jays

2010-05-30T13:47:00.004-04:00

It's been a while since I've done one of these, but it's always fun to project how a player is going to end the season based on his totals right now. Obviously, most of these projections won't come true (i.e. Vernon Wells was never going to hit 162 homeruns), but now that we have two months of the season wrapped up, we have a more accurate view of how things are going to go. The obvious thing to look at is the Jays' homerun numbers. They've already got three guys with 10 or more homeruns, and last time I checked they lead the league in mashing and were garnering quite a bit of attention on Yahoo Sports. I thought it would be fun to take a look at how these Jays will end the season in terms of batting totals. Let's take a look at the lineup:

Fred Lewis - 132 H, 9 HR, 45 RBI, 72 R, 12 SB
Aaron Hill - 74 H, 25 HR, 52 RBI, 74 R, 3 SB
Adam Lind - 95 H, 16 HR, 57 RBI, 53 R
Vernon Wells - 128 H, 29 HR, 78 RBI, 73 R, 4 SB
Jose Bautista - 95 H, 32 HR, 87 RBI, 76 R, 7 SB
Alex Gonzalez - 113 H, 22 HR, 67 RBI, 64 R
Lyle Overbay - 82 H, 13 HR, 48 RBI, 62 R
Edwin Encarnacion - 83 H, 39 HR, 100 RBI, 72 R, 6 SB
John Buck - 95 H, 21 HR, 69 RBI, 48 R
Travis Snider - 94 H, 20 HR, 50 RBI, 54 R, 10 SB

The projections put 7 guys on pace to hit 20 or more homeruns, which is pretty hilarious considering the fact that no one on this team could do that last season. It's unlikely that the season will end this way for most of the guys on the list, whether the overachieve or underachieve for the remainder of the season, but like I said before, it's still fun to do. Imagine if Edwin Encarnacion actually hits 39 homeruns and grabs 100 RBI. It won't happen (his career highs in those categories are 26 homeruns and 76 RBI) but it's fun to imagine.

On the flipside, a lot of these guys will end up with bigger numbers that I've put them at as they will pick up their game and start smashing baseballs left, right and center during the summer time (i.e. public enemy number 35, Lyle Overbay).

It's good to dream, right?

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Kendry Morales Hits Grand Slam; Breaks Leg

2010-05-30T13:41:00.003-04:00

If the headline looks ridiculous to you, wait until you see the actual footage. Yes, Kendry Morales hit a game winning grand slam and then promptly broke his leg when jumping on home plate. It's the first time that's ever happened.

He'll be out for 10-12 weeks, which is terrible news for the Angels.

Baby, It Hurts To Love You...

2010-05-30T11:30:00.005-04:00

So I've definitely been slacking on the blogging front for the past week or so, but it would be blasphemous for me to not mention the events of last night. You can forgive me for not wanting to talk about Roy Halladay's past three starts before last night, because they went as follows:

@Colorado 6.1 IP, 10H, 2ER, 2BB 4Ks - No Decision

v. Pittsburgh 9.0 IP, 9H, 2ER, 1BB, 6Ks - Loss

v. Boston 5.2 IP, 8H, 6ER, 2BB 1K - Loss

But last night, my friends, Mr. Halladay solidified his legacy --- in the wrong uniform, albeit --- by throwing the 20th perfect game in Major League history. He follows up (and outshines) Dallas Braden's perfect game from three weeks ago, and the two of them, along with Mark Buehrle, have all thrown a perfect game within the last 10 months. Yikes.

I'd be lying if I said I was watching the game, as I got the news via text message last night, but I still managed to watch highlights as fast as I could. I can't explain why, but it brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye to see him do it. Good job Roy.

I could write about this all day long, but you can find a better recap of the game here. Or if you're not too keen on reading, you can watch the 27 most beautiful outs you'll ever see here (lazy fucker). If you're a true fan, though, you'll do both.

Oh and I almost forgot, here's his line:

9.0 IP, 0H, 0ER, 0BB, 11K's - PERFECT

It puts his record at 7 wins and 3 losses, while lowering his ERA to 1.99 and his WHIP to 0.99, and more significantly, in my opinion, puts him ahead of Ubaldo Jiminez in the race for the Cy Young (who is no pushover himself as he threw a no hitter a few weeks ago too).

"Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away"

Blackpool Win Promotion To The Premier League

2010-05-25T00:15:00.001-04:00

Ok so I know I'm a few days late, but forgive me for my laziness in the past few days and I won't call you a shit faced monkey nut hugging piece of turd licking anus juice, alright?

I won't give you a match report, because you could probably find a better one here, but what I will do is tell you a little bit about Blackpool Football Club (because you were most likely too lazy to go and Wikipedia it on your own, that's why)

Blackpool is a team with a massive amount of history, having been around since 1887. For those unsavvy at mathematics, that puts them at the ripe young age of 103 years old. With the win last saturday, they will be playing in the top flight of English football for the first time since 1971.

Nicknames? They have plenty. They've been called the seasiders (because of the city's location), the 'pool' (for obvious reasons) and the tangerines (because of their kit colours).

They have been a team of two tales, mostly on the losing side of everything, though. At one point they competed for the title every year, and at another point they were only 4 places from the bottom of the entire English Football League (88 out of 92). Their biggest accomplishment is winning the FA Cup in 1952.

The only player on their current squad that I've actually heard of is Jason Euell (their captain), but he's no spring chicken at the age of 33.

More importantly than their history, in my opinion, is to take a look at how teams who have won promotion to the Premier League have fared in the past few years. Since Blackpool won promotion by winning the playoffs, let's take a look at the winners of that match in years past and how they did the very next season in the premier league:

2009 Burnley - relegated after 1 season in the Premier League
2008 Hull City - relegated after 2 seasons in the Premier League
2007 Derby County - relegated after 1 season in the Premier League
2006 Watford - relegated after 1 season in the Premier League
2005 West Ham - still in the Premier League
2004 Crystal Palace - relegated after 1 season in the Premier League
2003 Wolverhampton Wanderers - relegated after 1 season in the Premier League
2002 Birmingham City - relegated after 1 season in the Premier League
2001 Bolton - still in the Premier League
2000 Ipswich - relegated after 1 season in the Premier League

If you were paying attention to that list, you would have noticed that out of the 10 teams that won promotion via the playoffs, only 3 of them survived their first season in the top flight, and only 2 survived more than two seasons. Translation? Blackpool should enjoy their celebrations while they can because chances are they're going straight back down to the Championship

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The Varinder Wellwala Theory

2010-05-18T16:04:00.005-04:00

I have a theory. It's slightly offensive, but it's a theory nonetheless; Vernon Wells plays better when there's black men on his team.

Hear me out.

Certainly, that comment sounds ignorant and ridiculous, and certainly this post will not have definitive facts to show that. But I believe it. Think about it. You would play better too if you had more people to relate to in the clubhouse. Let's take his blackness out for a moment and think about if he was an Indian dude. Let's pretend for one second that he's Varinder Wellwala.

Varinder Wellwala has no other Indian teammates in Major League Baseball. He's going to feel homesick. Sure, all the other players are nice and all, but how many of them can relate to his sense of bhangra music, oily and delicious foods for dinner, and the fact that he's 32 years old and still lives with his mother? Not too many of them, I'd bet.

In 2003, Varinder Wellwala has some fellow Indian teammates, and he puts up the numbers of his career. 33 homeruns, 117 RBI, not to mention he leads the league in hits with 215 (ahead of Ichiro, even). Now in that year, Varinder Wellwala had Carlosingh Delgadowala hitting behind him. Now Carlosingh Delgadowala was an established hitter way back then, one of the best in the game. He also happened to be Indian. Let's not forget about Om Harbajhan who used to be that baddest second basemen of all second basemen. Om left. Carlosingh left. Varinder was never the same.

Now of course I'm not saying that Vernon Wells' shittiness is all based upon having black guys to relate to in the clubhouse. That's ridiculous. A lot of Vernon Wells' shittiness has to do with the fact that he was fat, he swung at stupid pitches and he became a lazy motherfucker overall once he got that massive contract. He was also plagued with injuries the past few seasons and that led to even more shittiness. But you have to say, once I change it to Indian names, everyone's thinking 'yeah that makes sense a little bit.' If psychology has taught me anything, it's that people get along with people who are similar to them. Of course, that is also regardless of skin colour, because you'll get along with anyone who's similar to you in terms of personality. I just think that it's funny to note that Wells has picked up the slack now that the Jays have Fred Lewis, who is black, and a bunch of latin guys (Encarnacion, Gonzalez, Bautista) as opposed to having just Alex Rios last season.

The same thing happens in soccer all the time. Fernando Torres has said many times that he finds it easier at Liverpool because there's so many spanish players there. Javier Mascherano recently said that he finds it hard there because there's a lack of Argentinian players.

Yes it's silly, and yes, I'm sure that a black person would inevitably be offended by this somehow, but at the end of the day, it amused me.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Robbie Williams - Rock DJ
Miike Snow - Silvia
Muse - Undisclosed Desires
Bloc Party - One More Chance (Tiesto Mix)

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 32 Homeruns (So Is Jose Bautista)

2010-05-18T15:25:00.003-04:00

No way Jose! (it was too easy) Vernon Wells and Jose Bautista are both on pace to smash 32 baseballs out of the ballpark by the time this season is over. That's pretty good considering the fact that we expected the same amount of service out of them that we would to a hooker who we're offering three jelly beans and a loaf of bread (ok, so it depends on the hooker). The point is, the man, the myth, the legend that is Vernon Wells is truly (dare I say it) finally living up to his contract. I know it's only a month and a half into the season, but things are looking good so far. His 2-3 showing this afternoon also keeps his average high at .316, and his 2 RBI put him on pace for 32 homeruns and 94 RBI. Pretty good.

Jose Bautista was pushed right field with Edwin Encarnacion ready to come back off the DL. It worked out nicely, as Encarnacion homered in his first game back too. These Jays just hit baseballs like they're an angry, alcoholic husband who just came home to his wife in bed with another man.

We have another 15 days of worrying about who will get sent down (although all fingers seem to be pointing at Casey Janssen) as Travis Snider hit the DL with soreness in his right wrist.

Supplementary Observations:

Public Enemy Number 35 Lyle Overbay went 2-4 with a two run blast, a double, and three RBI. This pushes his average to .190, which is almost above the Mendoza Line...Almost.

Aaron Hill also hit his first homerun in God knows how long. It was a three run shot off Ron Mahay in the sixth inning, which was pretty much just rubbing salt in the Twins' wounds. On the flipside, he struck out swinging the at bat before on an ugly pitch in the other batter's box, so keep your boners in your pants because he's still hitting .175.

Fred Flinstone Lewis picked up another 3 hits, one of them a nice hard double that Denard Span couldn't handle, to keep the ball rolling. He also rocks some pretty awesome shades.

Jose Molina, of all people, put together a nice 3 hit game (wtf?). He also managed to run out an infield single. Seriously.

Shaun Marcum pushed his record to 3-1 with a nice game. He allowed just the one run over 7 innings on only five hits. His changeup will forever taunt Roy Halladay.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Maximo Park - I Want You To Stay
Oasis - I Hope, I Think, I Know
Arctic Monkeys - Settle For A Draw
Jonas Brothers - Burnin Up

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Benny Agbayani...ish

2010-05-15T13:05:00.003-04:00

And the shocks just keep coming. The 2010 NHL postseason is certainly turning out to be a dandy, but anyone who predicted a Montreal-Philadelphia Eastern conference final is either a damned fool, a blatant liar, or some kind of fortune telling hippie who's never taken a shower; you reek of bullshit (actually, it would be human shit when you think about it).

Last night, the Flyers completed the impossible by coming back from a 3-0 series deficit to beat the Boston Bruins in game 7 and win the series. They become only the fourth team in SPORTS HISTORY to ever accomplish the feat, joining the 1975 New York Islanders (quarterfinals), the 2004 Boston Red Sox (AL championship series) and the 1942 Toronto Maple Leafs (by far the best comeback, as it was in the Stanley Cup finals). The only word I have is wow. Oh, and did I mention that they were losing 3-0 in the first period of game 7 as well?

Jesus effing Chrizzist.

What did I think of this series before it started? I thought the Flyers would get their asses handed to them in 5 games, that's what. Sure enough, I was well on my way to a correct prediction until Philly decided to shock the world.

In other Benny Agbayani-ish predictions, I failed to correctly predict the Sharks-Red Wings series. I know it's a bit late, but I don't follow hockey as much as baseball (obviously) and I thought the Wings would edge out San Jose. I DID mention that it would be a close series, though, so that's got to count for something right? (probably not).

The only thing I correctly foresaw was the Hawks taking out the Canucks. In 6 games. Hey, guess how many games it took them to eliminated Vancouver? Six. I'm a genius, I know.

Overall Predictions for the Playoffs: 6/12. 50%.

Conclusion? I'm still passing.

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 34 Homeruns

2010-05-15T11:54:00.004-04:00

It's a real shame that I didn't get a chance to watch the game last night because I missed a doozy. The man, the myth, the legend that is Vernon Wells was at it again last night, smashing homerun number 10 on the season and putting him on pace to hit 34 on the season; it's fun that we're getting more realistic numbers now. That amount would surpass his career high (33 in 2003) by one. More importantly, though, he hit a clutch 3 run homer in the third to put the Jays ahead 11-8 in the mashfest that was last night's game. 4 RBI on the night also give him 29 on the season, putting him on pace for a 34 HR 97 RBI, not to mention a pace of 47 doubles to boot. You wanna know who had 47 doubles last season in Major League Baseball? Well...uh...no one. But in and around that number of doubles last season were: Albert Pujols (45), Adam Lind (46), Robinson Cano and Dustin Pedroia (48). I think that's pretty good company.

Oh and Toronto won the game 16-11.

Supplementary Observations:

At some point in this game (middle of the third inning to be exact), the Jays were losing 9-3 and all hope was gone. Out of no where, they ejaculated for an 8 run bottom of the third and came around for another go in the fourth, tacking on another 4 runs.

As a team, the Jays combined for 5 homeruns in the game.

Every starter had at least one hit in the game.

The baby faced assassin Travis Snider continues to rake the ball. Apparently, a heavier bat will do you some good. He went 2-4 with the homerun and 3 ribbies and even decided to steal a base. Is there anything he can't do?

Public enemy number 35 Lyle Overbay put together a nice game, getting 3 hits 3 RBI and walking twice as he got on base in every plate appearance. His average is still a measley .189, though.

Brett Cecil was atrocious, giving up 8 runs in 2.0 innings of work.

Josh Roenicke picked up the first win of his career.

I haven't checked up on my favourite first named shortstop in the game recently, but Elvis Andrus has quietly put together a 14 game hit streak, truly providing a little less conversation and a little more action (it was funny in my head).

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Benny Agbayani...ish

2010-05-13T02:04:00.002-04:00

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins v. (8) Montreal Canadiens

Jaroslav Halak is not superman, and I think the Penguins are going to prove that to the Canadiens. They rode their hot goalie in the final three games against Washington, and I seriously doubt they are any match for the Olympic hero (no, not Kurt Angle) Sidney Crosby. The only thing that could be a major factor in this series is the fact that Pittsburgh are running on a few days rest after taking out Ottawa on the weekend, while Montreal are fresh of their stunning series win over Washington. The Habs might steal game one or two, but the Penguins WILL win four games in a row.
Prediction: Penguins in 5

I guess Montreal decided to prove the whole world wrong when the playoffs started. They weren't given a chance in the first round against the Capitals, and they were given even slimmer chances against the Penguins, but sure enough, they've knocked out the President's Trophy winner and the reigning Stanley Cup champions all in one big swoop. I did not see this one coming at all, and I don't think anyone did. The Stanley Cup is surely in sight now as their next opponent will be the less mighty Boston Bruins or Philadelphia Flyers. I don't know what else to say, really; I'm pretty speechless about this.

Halak stood on his head once again, Montreal's defence played well and they pretty much shut down the man with the 12 year old beard in Sidney Crosby. Good job, Montreal, but I certainly hope someone can beat you or else we'll have a renewed rivalry between Leaf and Habs fans which most certainly will not sway in the favour of any Leaf fan out there.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Apache Indian - Boom Shaka Lak
Jay Z - Threat

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Baby, It Hurts To Love You...

2010-05-13T01:55:00.003-04:00

Roy Halladay was not his normal self tonight. I'm not sure what happened. Perhaps he's just as upset as all us Jays fans that he won't be coming back to Toronto this summer, but something was up tonight as the Phillies lost to the Rockies 4-3. Although the score might not show it, here's Halladay's line:

6.1 IP, 10H, 2ER, 2BB, 2K

The Rockies hammered him pretty good in the 7th inning, and Roy was pulled in favour of JC Romero, who stopped the bleeding.

He ain't perfect, but he's still my Halladay.

Love must be as much a light as it is a flame.

This post was written whilst listening to:
My Federation - What Gods Are These

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Ol' Gregg Is On Pace To Save 35 Games This Season

2010-05-12T23:20:00.004-04:00

Ol' Gregg notched his 10th save of the season this afternoon in Boston, putting him on pace to reach 35, a number that no Jay has reached since BJ Ryan did it way back when. Cool.

Afternoon baseball is always an amazing thing, especially when it's at a classic stadium like Fenway Park, and you're unemployed and have jackfuck to do all day long. It's a nice surprise to wake up and have the Jays playing while you're eating breakfast. It's even better when the Jays win, and win is what they did this afternoon against the BoSox.

Supplementary Observations:

Travis Snider has been causing all sorts of naughty thoughts in my head these past few games with the way he's mashing the baseball. He provided all of our offense this afternoon, doubling home Lyle Overbay in the fifth, and then hitting a two run dinger in the 7th to put the Jays in the lead. I'm afraid to say I'm developing feelings for him.

The Jays had more strikeouts (8) than they had hits (6) today, but that's probably partly because they were facing knuckleballer Tim Wakefield, whom you will either smash like a wall after your girlfriend told you she's cheating on you, or...I don't have an analogy for striking out a whole bunch of times. You get the idea.

Shaun Marcum allowed only 2 hits over 7 innings of work, picking up his second win of the season and lowering his ERA to 2.78 in the process. He is also contributing to the Let's-Forget-About-Roy-Halladay fund admirably.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip - Waiting For The Beat To Kick In
REM - Losing My Religion

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The Bastard(o) Watch

2010-05-12T02:37:00.002-04:00

You see what happens when you take your eye off of things for one second? My favourite left handed reliever with the rebellious last name has been in action not only once, but TWICE in the past few days, and I didn't even realize it. That Bastard(o)!

Bastardo was in action saturday night against Colorado and then again on monday night against Charlotte, appearing for two thirds of an inning both times. He has still yet to give up a run, and his season stats at Triple-A Leigh Valley look as follows:

2.2 IP, 1H, 3BB, 6K, 0 runs allowed

In addition to those beautiful numbers, Bastardo has held opposing batters to a .100 batting average. Brad Lidge also reportedly had soreness in his throwing elbow. I don't want anyone to get hurt, or anything like that, but if it means that Lidge goes to the DL and Bastardo gets the call, I will be a happy man.

Call him up, Philly. Now.

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Random Facts About The 2009/2010 Premier League Season

2010-05-12T01:39:00.003-04:00

A belated congratulations to Chelsea for winning the Premier League, but I've been a bit under the weather recently so I haven't had a chance to come up with one of these fascinating little comparison pieces for your pleasure. Of course, I've made a habit of comparing this Premier League campaign to that of last year's, predicting on three separate occassions that three different teams would win the title. West Ham and Portsmouth failed me, but my prediction of Chelsea to win the title a few weeks ago did (albeit flukily) come true. So without further adieu, here are some final interesting and random facts about the 2009/2010 EPL season as compared to the 2008/2009 season:

15 Possibly Interesting and Random Facts About the 2009/2010 Premier League Season in Comparison to the 2008/2009 Season:

1. For the first time in six seasons, England has a potential new face in the Champions League. Although they still have to go through qualifying, Tottenham will replace Liverpool as the fourth team to make it into Europe this season.

2. Chelsea won the title with 27 wins and 86 points this season, edging out runners up Manchester United by a single point. Last season, United won by a margin of four points, beating out Liverpool for the top spot with 90 points.

3. Liverpool had won the title of most goals scored with 77. Chelsea smashed that this season with 103. Liverpool also had the best goal differential last season at +50. Again, Chelsea smashed that this season by scoring 71 more goals than their opponents.

4. Newcastle, Middlesborough and West Brom were all relegated with totals of 34, 32 and 32 points, respectively. This season, Burnley (30 points), Hull (30 points) and Portsmouth (28 points) go down with significantly less points. For any West Ham fans out there, had this season's West Ham (35 points) been playing in last season (perhaps through use of a TARDIS), they still would have stayed up on goal differential. Then again, last season's West Ham (51 points) was much better.

5. West Brom had the worst back line last year allowing 67 goals. That seems excellent when you look at this season's worst defence, Burnley, who allowed a whopping 82 goals.

6. The winner of the league in each of the past two seasons has been the team that has failed to score the least amount of times. Last season, Manchester United failed to score 4 times, less than any other team, and won the league. This season, Chelsea were shutout only once.

7. Newcastle split the points on 13 draws last season. This season, Stoke was the most sharing with 14 draws.

8. Versus top half opponents, Chelsea and Manchester United were tops, snatching 33 points from the opposition (Chelsea takes top spot on goal differential). Last season, Liverpool took 37 points off of top half opposition.

9. Manchester City managed to score a season high 6 goals in one game last season (against Portsmouth). This year, 6 goals were scored four times (twice by Arsenal, once by City, once by Liverpool), 7 goals were scored on three occasions (all by Chelsea), 8 goals on one occassion (by Chelsea) and 9 goals on one occassion (Tottenham). Let's hope for double digits next year.

10. Birmingham had the streak of the season, going 12 games unbeaten. Last year, Arsenal went 21 matches without a loss. Arsenal also had the longest winning streak of the season, winning 6 straight at one point. This is dwarfed in comparison to Manchester United last season, who took maximum points from 11 games straight.

11. Of the 380 total games played this season, the home team won 193 (51%), the away team won 91 (24%) and there were 96 draws (25%). Last season, the home team won 173 (46%), the away team won 110 (29%), and there were 97 draws (26%).

12. The top five goalscorers this season were: Didier Drogba (29 goals), Wayne Rooney (26 goals), Darren Bent (23 goals plus 1 beach ball), Carlos Tevez (23), and Frank Lampard (22). Last season, the top five consisted of Nicolas Anelka (19), Cristiano Ronaldo (18), Steven Gerrard (16), Fernando Torres (14) and Robinho (14). Put in perspective, last year's golden boot winner Nicolas Anelka would have finished sixth in scoring with his 08/09 total.

13. Frank Lampard was the most giving of all players, with 14 assists, compared to Frank Lampard being the most giving last year with 10 assists (tied with Robin Van Persie). Conclusion? He likes to pass.

14. Lee Cattermole had the worst discipline in the league last season with 10 yellow cards and 2 reds. Javier Mascherano followed in his footsteps this year, seeing yellow 9 times and red twice.

15. The average attendance at premier league matches was down this season from 35,560 to 34,150.

There you have it. 15 possibly interesting and random facts about the 2009/2010 season. It's been a good season, and although West Ham and Portsmouth helped make my predictions at the beginning of the season a failure, it was fun doing this over the course of the season. Look out for more silly things like this when the World Cup rolls around.

Also check out: Zan Rathore's Sports Blog

This post was written whilst listening to:
Hard-Fi - Living For The Weekend
The Bloody Beetroots - Warp 1.9
Sara Bareilles - Love Song
Flight of the Conchords - I'm Not Crying
Oasis - D'you Know What I Mean?
The Last Shadow Puppets - Black Plant

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Dallas Braden Is Perfect

2010-05-09T23:17:00.004-04:00

Dallas Braden threw the 19th perfect game in the history of Major League Baseball today. It's the first one since Mark Buehrle did it last year and gives him a little bit of credibility in telling Alex Rodriguez to back the fuck up off his mound.

The perfect game came with Braden's grandma in attendance on Mother's Day, as his mother passed away when he was a senior in high school from skin cancer. I can only imagine the emotions running through him as it was the perfect (GET IT?!) mother's day gift.

Good for you Dallas Braden.

This post was written whilst listening to:
The Kooks - See The World
Interpol - Not Even Jail

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 35 Homeruns

2010-05-09T22:55:00.004-04:00

The man, the myth, the legend Vernon Wells added to his homerun total this afternoon on the south side of Chicago. With his 9th homerun on the season, he ties Alex Gonzalez for the team lead and they're both now on pace for a more realistic (for Wells, anyways) and less lucrative 35 homeruns. He went 3 for 5 and drove in 2 with his homerun.

More importantly, though, the Blue Jays struck at the stroke of midnight against the White Sox today, running closer Bobby Jenks and his phenomenal goatee right out of the game to pick up the W with a 9-7 win. Fred Flinstone Lewis hit a three run homerun to put the Jays in front, and Alex Gonzalez singled home Aaron Hill to put the Jays up 9-7. Ol' Gregg closed out the game for his 9th save of the season.

Supplementary Observations:

Bobby Jenks came into the 9th inning with a 7-5 lead and left it after giving up 4 hits, 4 runs and 16 pitches.

Alex Rios continued to stroke it like a 12 year old who has just discovered his penis. He went 4-4 today and was a triple shy of the cycle (that blasted triple always eludes them). I imagine this will continue for a few weeks since he's still high off his newborn child. He's big. He's sexy. He's Alex motherfucking Rios.

Although Fred Flinstone Lewis had only one hit on the day, it was a big one as it put the Jays in the lead in the top of the ninth. Slowly but surely, he is building that home in Jays fans' hearts all around Toronto.

Altogether, the two teams left 37 baserunners stranded.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Arctic Monkeys - This House Is A Circus

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Jays Have Nice EVEning In Chicago (Get it?!?!)

2010-05-06T23:23:00.004-04:00

The Toronto Blue Jays pushed their win streak to five games tonight after their 2-0 defeat of the south side White Sox. Dana Eveland went seven strong innings, giving up only 2 hits and striking out 3 along the way as the Jays shutout the White Sox. The only play of the game that involved runs came when (fast, black, man) Fred Lewis doubled to left field, plating both John Buck and Travis Snider. I'm pretty sure I'm falling in love with him as the days go by.

Supplementary Observations:

I'm not sure how Alex Rios' ninth inning hit counted as a double. As much as I love the guy (he's big, he's sexy, what's not to love?) I don't even think it should've counted as a hit, to be honest. Alex Gonzalez plain dropped the ball and allowed Rios to get to second. Dunno what the scorer was thinking on that one.

Travis Snider had two hits and a walk to push his average to .213. He seems to be playing a lot better in the past few games, but that could just be Buck Martinez and Pat Tabler sucking his balls during the game speaking through me. I like what I see, though.

Kevin "Ol' Gregg" picked up his 8th save of the season. He's looking good so far, but I still won't buy it until he continues to be lights out in September. Something's bound to give.

Half of Vernon Wells' night was good. He went 2-4 with two base hits, but also had two strikeouts, and I can't remember the last time he hit a homerun, so his pace is definitely down.

Combined, the Jays and White Sox left 30 baserunners stranded. Yikes.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Owen Pallett - Keep The Dog Quiet
Bloc Party - Skeleton
Kaiser Chiefs - Na Na Na Na Naa

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Baby, It Hurts To Love You...

2010-05-06T23:12:00.003-04:00

He was at it again tonight. The former Jays ace picked up his league leading sixth win of the season as the Phillies beat the Cardinals 7-2. Here's his line:

7.0 IP, 7H, 1ER, 9K

The win drops his ERA to 1.45 and his WHIP goes up to 0.95, although it still remains under 1. The game also involved some bad-assery from Halladay, who not only convinced Charlie Manuel to let him stay in the game after giving up a run, but also involved him eloquently arguing with the umpire. Is there anything he can't do?

Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical.

This post was written whilst listening to:
MGMT - Electric Feel

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The Bastard(o) Watch

2010-05-06T00:05:00.003-04:00

Antonio Bastardo was in action tonight for the Leigh Valley Ironpigs. He threw 4 pitches (three strikes) to pick up the strikeout and pad his statistics with a hold in a third of an inning's work. The game log won't tell me who he struck out, but I'm assuming he was brought in to face a lefty-lefty situation. He did the job admirably.

Call him up, Philly. Now.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Aerosmith - Sweet Emotion (I had no idea the video was this lame)

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Jose Mourinho Is The Special One

2010-05-05T23:53:00.004-04:00

Studs-Up is a brilliant website that features brilliant cartoons. Cartoons such as these:

Simply amazing.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Queen - Under Pressure

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Keep An Eye On 'Em...

2010-05-05T23:44:00.004-04:00

Congratulations to Alex Rios, who had his first child over the weekend. Usually the birth of a child translates into a red hot streak for players in any sport, and Rios is no exception. Since taking two days off last week to be with his newborn, here's what Rios has been up to in the past six games:

.393 avg (3 doubles), 4SB, 1HR, 5RBI

Pretty good, and I would expect the trend to continue for the next few weeks as he's probably full of excitement about his first child. I did predict an all-star season from him, and this can only help.

He's big. He's sexy. He's Alex motherfucking Rios.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Shout Out Louds - Tonight I Have To Leave It

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The Bastard(o) Watch

2010-05-04T00:51:00.003-04:00

As promised, I am keeping one eye on Antonio Bastardo and his time at Leigh Valley. His Ironpigs (terrible name) were in action tonight against the Indianapolis Indians. Indianapolis won the game 9-6, but most importantly of all, my second favourite Phillie got in his first inning of work at Leigh Valley, giving up a walk and no hits in one inning of work. He also struck out two Indians.

Call him up, Philly. Now.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Lenny Kravitz - Fly Away

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Cecil Ain't Perfect (But Then, Who Is?)

2010-05-04T00:26:00.003-04:00

Brett Cecil, you sly dog, you. You decided to take a perfect game into the 7th inning and continue the trend of Blue Jays starters entertaining the notion of a no hitter. Shaun Marcum did it on opening day, Ricky Romero did it against the White Sox, and now you've done it against the Indians. When are one of you going to complete the damn feat?

Cecil was very strong tonight, going 8.0 innings and giving up just the one hit to Jhonny (motherfucking) Pheralta in the 7th, which ruined the no hitter and the shutout in one fluid motion. The Jays went on to win 5-1 anyways, but the perfect game would've been much nicer. Cecil also struck out a career high 10 batters and went lengths to probably overexcite Jays fans around the city tonight.

Supplementary Observations:

The Jays batters continued to smash the stitching off the baseball as Jose Bautista,Travis Snider (Tra-Vis Sni-Der! *Clap Clap ClapCaClap*!!!), and John Buck went deep tonight. That gives them 41 homeruns as a team on the season, putting them in the league lead. Pretty cool.

Fred Lewis was caught stealing for the first time this season. Regardless, he is still one badass mofo.

This post was written whilst listening to:
MGMT - Time To Pretend
Faithless - One Step Too Far

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Alex Gonzalez Is On Pace To Hit 42 Homeruns (So Is Vernon Wells)

2010-05-03T01:08:00.004-04:00

I know that I'm supposed to be keeping a Vernon Wells homerun tracker, but quite frankly, it would be awfully rude to ignore the fact that a certain A. Gonzalez (shockingly, it's Alex, not Adrian) is on pace to hit 42 homeruns. The Jays shortstop had another big fly (his only hit of the afternoon) in this afternoon's 9-3 win over the A's, helping the Jays take three out of four games in the series. He's set to exceed expectations from now on in, as he hit 8 homeruns in ALL of last season combined (split time between Cincinati and Boston)

Supplementary Observations:

Shaun Marcum is slowly but surely warming up to the hearts of Jays fans. Despite what Beyonce says, Roy Halladay is irreplaceable, but Marcum, Ricky Romero and Brandon Morrow sure are doing a whole lot to bandage this bleeding heart. Marcum went six and a third today before getting the hook. He struck out six, gave up a run and allowed only 8 hits. Something to note, though, is his control wasn't completely there, as he gave up 4 walks. All 14 thousand odd fans gave him a standing ovation as he left the game.

Vernon Wells was at it again. Although he didn't hit a homerun, he did smack a double, which is encouraging. That puts him on pace to hit 62 doubles on the season. I'll take it.

John Buck wrapped up a great series. After hitting 3 homeruns on friday night, he smashed three doubles tonight and pushed his average up to .243.

Fred Lewis is officially in the building. He hit his first homerun as a Jay, stole his third base of the season, and drove in three runs and is slowly building himself a nice home in my heart.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Tom Jones - Feels Like Music (Junkie XL Remix)
Soshy - Dorothy

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The Bastard(o) Watch

2010-05-01T23:35:00.002-04:00

It's a sad day in Philadelphia Phillies history. Well it was a sad day yesterday, anyways. Antonio Bastardo has officially been sent down to the Triple A Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs (is that like Lahey from Trailer Park Boys? And what the fuck is an iron pig?). His season stats read as follows thus far:

5.1 IP, 3H, 4BB, 5K, 2 HLD, 1.69ERA

I can't really complain, considering the fact that the move was made to make room for closer Brad Lidge to make his way back onto the roster after starting the season on the DL. This will not, however, stop me from following the man with the rebellious surname. Keep an eye out for updates on how his minor league trials and tribulations are going. It's only a matter of time before the Phillies realize that Triple A is no place for a Bastard(o).

This post was written whilst listening to:
Oasis - Keep The Dream Alive
Arctic Monkeys - Red Right Hand
Kings Of Leon - Red Morning Light

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Baby, It Hurts To Love You...

2010-05-01T18:09:00.006-04:00

Roy Halladay recovered from his poor outing against the Giants last week and absolutely took the Mets to town, as the Phillies beat out the other team from New York by a score of 10-nil (it looks weird when 'nil' is used in baseball, doesn't it?). Here's his line:

9.0 IP, 3H, 6K, CG, SHO

It's his second shutout of the season and it pushes his record to 5-1 while lowering his ERA to 1.47 (from 1.80) and his WHIP to 0.88 (from 0.98)

If I had a single flower for every time I think of you, I could walk forever in my garden

This post was written whilst listening to:
The Airborne Toxic Event - Gasoline

Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 46 Homeruns

2010-05-01T12:39:00.004-04:00

His projected homerun total sure has gone down, and I think that the player of the month award that was being gift wrapped for him two weeks ago is now going to be sent Paul Konerko's way (11 HR, 21RBI in the month of April ALONE), but 46 homeruns will still set a career high for him and be the first time that a Jay hit 40 since some guy named Carlos played for us. Let's hope his phenomenal April bleeds into May.

Oh, and we won last night. Toronto pounded Oakland 10-2 to pull their record back to .500 at 12 wins and 12 losses. Nothing to get excited about though, because it is, after all, Oakland.

Supplementary Observations:

Brandon Morrow had another strong outing, scattering 7 hits while striking out 9 A's along the way. That's his third quality start in a row and he's now struck out 26 men in his last 19 innings. Keep your boners in your pants, though, because two of those three starts were against the lowly Athletics and Royals.

Jason Frasor finally pitched an inning without blowing a lead/giving up a run/completely fucking up. Good for him.

If Alex Gonzalez (2-3, 2HR, 4 RBI tonight) keeps this up (he won't), he is on pace to finish the season with 40 homeruns and 109 RBI. I hope you all realize how ridiculous that statment is.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Cut Off Your Hands - Happy As Can Be

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History 101: Uruguay 1930

2010-05-01T01:31:00.005-04:00

Today I realized that the most anticipated sporting event in the world is approaching in just one, lousy, unbearably long month. No, it's not the Stanley Cup Finals. No, it's not the NBA Finals. No, it's not the UEFA Champions League, and it most certainly isn't the Blue Jays' interleague date with the Colorado Rockies.

The World Cup of football is upon us, my friends. Once every four years, this entire planet hovers around whatever television sets, radio or internet connections they can find to see who will earn the title of best footballing nation in the world. This year's world cup begins on June the 11th, but I can't seem to contain my excitement any longer; I NEED to talk about this tournament.

Before I give you any audacious predictions, though, it's important to take a look back into the ghost of world cup past, considering that history is the basis for anything that is happening in the present. What would have happened if Baggio could take that penalty again? What would have happened if Beckham didn't see red in 98? What if John Terry wasn't a bastard?

The flip side to the answer of all of these questions is a very interesting concept to ponder. History is an important thing, people, and it most certainly should not be forgotten. That is why I have decided to enlighten you on the history of the world cup from beginning to end. It all started in Uruguay.

Before I get into what happened in the tournament, let's take a look at some important world events of 1930:

Things That Happened In 1930:

1. Mickey Mouse made his first comic strip appearance
2. 3M begain marketing scotch tape
3. Twinkies were invented
4. The BBC radio service reported 'that there is no news' on April the 18th
5. Turkish women were given the right to vote
6. Europeans were 38% of the world population

1930 was also the year that the very first world cup of football was held in the month of July, as opposed to the June that we have become accustomed to in recent history. The format was a little bit different, considering the fact that there weren't as many teams willing to participate. There were no entries from any European teams until two months prior to the tournament when Yugoslavia and Romania decided to make the journey across the ocean. Remember, this is at a time when people travelled worldwide by boat, so it would've taken a month or two to get to Uruguay from Europe. I imagine the boat smelled like a pair of underwear with six month old skid marks that have been soaked in vinegar and urinated upon and covered in cheese...not that I'd know anything about how that smells, or anything...

Eventually, 13 teams participated in the inaugural world cup, with 7 from South America (Uruguay, Argentina, Chile, Brazil, Bolivia, Peru, Paraguay), 4 from Europe (Yugoslavia, Romania, France, Belgium), and 2 from North America (United States, Mexico). The teams were divided up into four groups, with the winner of each group advancing to the semi-final stage.

Random Facts About The Tournament:

1. Lucien Laurent of France was the first man to ever get on the score sheet with a goal against Mexico

2. Mexico was awarded the first ever penalty in World Cup history in their group match against Argentina

3. Placido Gallindo of Uruguay was the first man to be given a red card in the tournament

4. The first hat-trick in world cup history was scored by Bert Patenaude of the United States against Paraguay

5. The final between Argentina and Uruguay was a rematch of their 1928 Olympic gold medal match

6. Guillermo Stabile of Uruguay won the golden boot with 8 goals in four matches

Hosts Uruguay eventually won the tournament with a 4-2 victory over Argentina in the final.

Until next time, keep on rockin' in a free world and do do do loo do...

This post was written whilst listening to:
Thom Yorke - Hearing Damage
Rolling Stones - Anybody Seen My Baby
Ace of Base - Don't Turn Around
Bloc Party - One More Chance
Pin Me Down - Time Crisis
Britney Spears - Break The Ice

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The Europa League Sucks, Anyways...

2010-04-29T22:51:00.004-04:00

The above picture really summarizes the way that the season has gone for Liverpool. They will now officially have an empty trophy case for the 2009-2010 season. I didn't see the match, and thank goodness for that, because it was a disappointing result to say the least. Despite winning 2-1 today at Anfield in their second leg semi-final tie against Atletico Madrid in the Europa League, Atletico won the tie on away goals.

Alberto Aquilani got things going by scoring on 44 minutes and sent the game to extra time. Super Jew, Yossi Benayoun then scored in the 95th minute to give Liverpool fans the balls-in-my-throat-feeling-that-we're-going-to-a-final feeling, until (motherfucking) Diego Forlan decided to score 7 minutes later and send Atletico through to the final. There isn't really much more that can be said about Liverpool's season, besides the fact that it is the absolute definition of disappointment, heartbreak, and frustration all rolled into one.

At least one English side will feature in the final, though, as Fulham won their tie against Hamburg.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Lupe Fiasco - Superstar
Lupe Fiasco - A Bathing Harry

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Buck Goes Deep...Real Deep

2010-04-29T22:39:00.003-04:00

John Buck had the game of his life tonight in the Jays' 6-3 win over the Athletics. He hit 3 homeruns and had 5 RBI on the way to the win. The Athletics suck, but a win's a win, and this snaps the Jays five game losing skid.

Supplementary Observations:

Vernon Wells went oh for four, dropping his average to .318. He has now gone 7 games without a homerun, and I've decided to keep the homerun tracker on hiatus until he hits another one.

Ricky Romero didn't have his best start, but the bullpen finally decided to close out a game for him and he picked up win number 2 of the season (although it should be at 4 now). He walked four, and yet his WHIP is still below 1.

Aaron Hill took 3 walks, further providing us with evidence that he really did gain some patience over the spring.

This post was written whilst listening to:
Biffy Clyro - The Captain
Kaiser Chiefs - Can't Say What I Mean
Final Fantasy - Many Lives --> 49 MP

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Some Audacious Predictions...NHL Conference Semi-Finals

2010-04-29T20:43:00.003-04:00

The first round of the NHL playoffs are officially in the books, and I was quite impressed with myself, predicting 5 out of the first 8 playoff matchups correctly. 63% is a mark I will take any day, as a win percentage of such kinds will likely make you the top, if not one of the top teams in the league (but it doesn't guarentee a Stanley Cup. See: Washington Capitals). Let's continue the audacious predictions and see how I fare in the next round.

Eastern Conference

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins v. (8) Montreal Canadiens

Jaroslav Halak is not superman, and I think the Penguins are going to prove that to the Canadiens. They rode their hot goalie in the final three games against Washington, and I seriously doubt they are any match for the Olympic hero (no, not Kurt Angle) Sidney Crosby. The only thing that could be a major factor in this series is the fact that Pittsburgh are running on a few days rest after taking out Ottawa on the weekend, while Montreal are fresh of their stunning series win over Washington. The Habs might steal game one or two, but the Penguins WILL win four games in a row.

Prediction: Penguins in 5

(6) Boston Bruins v. (7) Philadelphia Flyers

Hey, remember when I said the Flyers were a dark horse? Well they certainly showed New Jersey who's boss. I said they were capable of making the conference finals, but that was before Jeff Carter (remember I told you that he could change the series against the Devils?) and Simon Gagne decided to break their foot and toe, respectively.

Philly is still a good, strong, physical team, but I don't think it will be enough to get past a surging Boston, who is riding the coat tails of (former Leaf) Tuuka Rask, and get the massive boost of Marc Savard back for the series.

Prediction: Bruins in 5

Western Conference

(2) Vancouver Canucks v. (3) Chicago Blackhawks

Everyone keeps talking about the Red Wings-Sharks series, but I think that this should be the most fun to watch out of all of them. Vancouver will be looking to get revenge after the Hawks took them out of last year's playoffs, and Patrick Kane will be looking to get revenge on Roberto Luongo for being such a beastly animal in net for team Canada, rewarding Kane with a medal that was silver instead of gold.

The Sedins are always a factor, but the youth of the Blackhawks will prevail. And the Canucks aren't the Canucks if they don't choke.

Prediction: Blackhawks in 6

(1) San Jose Sharks v. (7) Detroit Red Wings

This will definitely be a fun series, and it's the one that all the hockey pundits are having the most fun with. There's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said, but I will anyways. Obviously, the Sharks top line needs to show up for this series if they're to dump their title of perennial choker. It's pretty sad when Dwight Helminen (who? exactly) has more playoff goals than Joe Thornton, but I expect that to change in the series.

The Red Wings, of course, are still the Red Wings. I don't remember a season in my lifetime when they WEREN'T good, and they always find ways to win. Jimmy Howard is severely underrated. Although he's not the best goalie in the league, do not be surprised if he steals the show once or twice in the course of the series.

Prediction: 7 games. Could go either way, but I will pick the Red Wings

This post was written whilst listening to:
Not Thinking Straight - Pin Shot Riot
The Wombats - Let's Dance To Joy Division
Arctic Monkeys - Teddy Picker

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Benitez Plays Babel In Position...Finally

2010-04-28T22:38:00.004-04:00

Rafael Benitez announced today that Ryan Babel would be playing striker in the second leg of Liverpool's crucial Europa League fixture tomorrow evening against Atletico Madrid. I'm actually kind of shocked, considering Benitez has a knack for buying players and then telling them to play out of position. If anyone remembers, Babel was bought as a striker and was supposed to be the next Thierry Henry (HA HA is all I can say to that), but Benitez decided to turn him into a winger.

Hopefully Babel does well on Thursday so that we have someone not named Fernando Torres as a capable striker.

This post was written whilst listening to: Lupe Fiasco - Gold Watch

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Jose Mourinho Is The Special One

2010-04-28T22:28:00.005-04:00

He did it again. Jose Mourinho brought another giant down to earth by completing the Champions League semi-final defeat of Barcelona at Nou Camp tonight. Although Barca beat Inter 1-0, it wasn't quite enough to recover from the 3-1 deficit that they had coming into the match. Inter are through to the final to take on Bayern Munich, which should make for a fantastic final. It is Inter's first final appearance since 1972, while it is Munchen's first appearance in the big game since 2001-02 when they beat Valencia for the title.

Inter are trying for the treble, as they currently hold first place in Serie A by two points and have a date with Lazio in the Copa Italia final. Barcelona, meanwhile, can now focus their undivided attention upon defending their league title.

This post was written whilst listening to: Keane - Spiralling

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Benny Agbayani...ish

2010-04-28T21:55:00.006-04:00

My thoughts on the Washington-Montreal series before it started?

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (8) Montreal Canadiens

Apparently there's already some bad blood going on in this series and it hasn't even started. Tomas Plekanec was caught saying that he thinks that Montreal has the upperhand in the goaltending department, to which former Canadien and now current Capital responded with "Who said that? Jagr? No? Plekanec? Who's that?" I like the anger being shown already.

It's really hard NOT to pick Washington to win this series, considering the fact that they have the best player in the NHL and the most potent offense as well. And Jose Theodore is no slouch either. I think (much like all these Yahoo writers) that Jaroslav Halak will be an important factor in this series, as he could steal it if he stands on his head...like Curtis-Joseph-1993-against-the-Leafs-stands-on-his-head.

Prediction: Caps in 5.

Anyone who claims they saw this coming is a liar. The Montreal Canadiens have just dumped Alexander Ovechkin and his Washington Capitals out of the 2010 NHL playoffs. Their 2-1 win tonight sealed the deal and sends them marching on to the second round. Shocking is the only word that comes to mind, considering the fact that the Capitals were not only the best team in the NHL this season, but also because they went into game 5 of this series with a seemingly insurmountable 3-1 lead over Montreal.

And that's when Jaroslav Halak decided to steal the show.

Halak stopped 131 pucks from entering the Montreal net in the last three games of the series combined (53, 41, and 37 in games 5, 6 and 7, respectively). That's an average of 44 saves per game, a number that shouldn't be faced by a goalie in any average game. He did stand on his head, while Washington went 1 for 32 on the powerplay in the series (again, they were power-LESS HA HA HA).

I have to say this has to be one of the biggest sports upsets of recent history. It ranks up there with the Golden State Warriors eliminating the Dallas Mavericks in 07, or even the Leafs taking out the Red Wings way back when off Nikolai Borshevsky's stick.

The Canadiens reward for defeating the Capitals? Sidney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins.

This post was written whilst listening to: Passion Pit - Little Secrets

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I'm Watching You

2010-04-28T00:30:00.002-04:00

Every now and then as a blogger, you get lazy. You don't want to write anything, and even though you have no one REALLY following you, you still feel the need to put stuff out there. So instead of being the creative genius that I am, I instead opt to give you a few links that I find entertaining or interesting. Here they are:

The Milwaukee Bucks have an interesting promotion for the playoffs going on right now which I find heavily amusing as it contains a severe amount of slapstick comedy.

Apparently, Zidane has some competition in the headbutt department. You can see what I mean if you click here

For any Pakistani cricket fans out there, the T20 World Cup starts in a few days. Here's your brand new (very catchy, inspiring) anthem.

Fred Lewis has a backstory that tugs at my heartstrings, not to mention he's a good outfielder and the newest Blue Jay. Even if you're not a sports fan, this article is phenomenally written, so I implore you to read it.

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The Bastard(o) Watch

2010-04-27T01:44:00.003-04:00

My second favourite Phillie has gotten back to back days of work in relief against the Diamondbacks yesterday and the Giants tonight. He got the final two outs of the seventh inning in yesterday's game after Danys Baez gave up a run and blew the save. I'm not sure if that should count as a blown save, but the rules say they do.

Tonight, Bastardo got some mop up duty as Roy Halladay was far from himself against the Giants, no-hitting the Giants for one inning while striking out two and giving up a walk.

His season stats look as follows:

5.1IP, 5Ks, 4BB, 1.69ERA, 1.31 WHIP

Not bad, Bastardo. Not bad at all.

Baby, It Hurts To Love You...

2010-04-27T01:22:00.003-04:00

Roy Halladay took to the mound tonight for the Phillies in his fifth start of the season as they took on the San Francisco Giants. He didn't seem like his regular ol' self, though, as his line was not Halladay-esque, but more Tallet-esque. Here's his line:

7.0 IP, 10H, 5ER, 5K

I don't know what happened out there tonight. Maybe Halladay spoke to someone in the dugout. Maybe he needed to have a 'bad start' so as not to give off the impression that he isn't invincible (because he is). Maybe the Giants figured him out. And maybe hell has frozen over. Whichever way you want to look at it, his ERA still stands at a measly 1.80 and his WHIP is still below 1 at 0.98.

You looked better in black and blue, Roy.

He is not a lover who does not love forever.

Benny Agbayani...ish

2010-04-27T00:46:00.002-04:00

Remember Benny Agbayani? That pudgy little Mets outfielder from the late 90s/early 2000s? Remember what he predicted for the 2000 World Series when the Mets took on the Yankees? He predicted that his Mets would take the Yankees out in five games on the Howard Stern show. Guess what happened? Go on, take a stab at it. No? As it turns out, I think he confused the New York teams, as it was the YANKEES who won the series in five games, not the Mets.

It's ok, though, Benny, I forgive you. We can all be wrong sometimes. It's just good to admit when you are indeed wrong, and me being the man that I am, will admit that I was way off on the Boston-Buffalo NHL playoff series and the Vancouver-LA series. Beginning with Boston-Buffalo, here's what I said:

(3) Buffalo Sabres vs. (6) Boston Bruins

The Bruins really sneaked into the playoffs at the end of the season and so either they'll be riding that streak straight into the playoffs, or they'll be completely gassed from trying to make the playoffs. The Sabres, on the other hand, have been in cruise control pretty much since the Olympic break. Ryan Miller has stood on his head for team and country this year, single-handedly taking the USA to the Olympic gold medal match, and I don't see the Bruinsgetting too much past him.

Miroslav Satan (how wrong does that name look on the back of a jersey?) might have a fire in him to get one over his old team, and Zdeno Chara is always solid at the back, but other than that I don't see anything working in Boston's favour.

Prediction: Sabres Sweep

Turns out the Bruins decided to ride that streak into the playoffs, and the Sabres never got out of cruise control. The big stat that all the networks were showing was the fact that Buffalo never got it going on the power play (they were power-LESS HA HA HA), going oh for 19 in the series.

Satan got the last laugh, after all.

In the other series that I failed to predict correctly, the Canucks took out the Kings and erased all my hopes and dreams of making a "Who's Your Doughty?" headline. Maybe next year. Here's what I had to say about that series:

(3) Vancouver Canucks vs. (6) Los Angeles Kings

This one will go 7 games. The Canucks are a good team, but they're always prone to choke. The Sedin twins are fantastic and go along great with Ryan Kesler, Pavol Demitra (who is prone to missing wide open nets. See: Canada vs. Slovakia, 2010 Olympics) and Roberto Luongo at the back is never a bad thing. The Kings, however, are young and poised and they are probably eager to get their playoff careers off to a flying start. It's a tough one to call.

Prediction: Kings in 7

It went 6 games, not 7, and I guess the Canucks still have the next round to choke against the Blackhawks, anyways. I said it was a tough one to call, didn't I?

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Mashfest 2010

2010-04-27T00:22:00.002-04:00

How bout that Jays game tonight? Who else's pants were about to rip with sexual joy when the Jays rallied in the 3rd to score six runs in response to the Red Sox's five in the top half? I know mine were, but the sexual joy was put to waste as this game ended far from 6-5 and was a complete slugfest. Here's the line score:

Final	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	R	H	E

Boston	1	0	4	3	1	4	0	0	0	13	18	0

Toronto	0	0	6	2	1	1	0	2	0	12	16	0

From the third to the 7th inning, the two teams combined for 22 runs. Of course in true Jays fashion, we lost even after having such amazing responses to the Red Sox after every inning. Former Blue Jay Scott Schoenweis, of all people, picked up the win and Jonathan Paplebon got his sixth save of the season. Shawn Camp took the loss, but none of the pitchers deserved a win to be quite honest.

Supplementary Observations:

Lyle Overbay had a nice night. He went 3 for 5 with a homerun, 4 RBI and a double. He raised his average to .183

Fred Lewis is making a nice spot for himself inside my heart as his leadoff triple in the 3rd proved to me the need for a fast black man on every team.

Although Vernon Wells did not hit a homerun, he had a 3 for 5 night as well, including two doubles and putting him at 9 on the season. Since he hasn't hit a homerun in a few days, his double pace is now at 64, which should be good for the league lead. On the other hand, he left 4 guys stranded on base.

Alex Gonzalez continues to mash the ball as he went 2 for 5 with a triple. To be fair, though, Bill Hall completely screwed up on the triple, missing the ball completely. I'm patiently waiting on the month that Gonzalez comes back down to Earth and hits .100

Jose Bautista also continues to hammer the stuffing out of the ball, as he hit his fourth homerun and had 4 RBI on the night. That gives him 16 RBI on the season. That puts him ahead of Justin Morneau, Joe Mauer, Evan Longoria, and a bunch of other guys that are way better then him. Go Jose Go.

Everyone in the lineup except for Travis Snider had a hit. That should do wonders for his confidence.

Dana Eveland proved that he is human by giving up 7 runs over 3.0 innings of work. Although he probably isn't this bad, he is closer to this Dana Eveland than he is to the Dana Eveland that showed up in his previous two outings.

We hammered Josh Beckett for 8 runs, continuing the trend of the Jays absolutely owning his ass. I expect he'll blame it on some kind of blister problem (remember when that used to happen?)

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Welcome To The Business End

2010-04-25T23:49:00.003-04:00

It's officially squeaky bum time in the English Premier League. There's a two horse race for the title that is going to go down to the wire, coupled with the five-horse race for that final coveted champion's league spot that is fourth place. Things began shaping up this weekend and the races got even more heated.

Starting at the top of the table, Chelsea still holds that one point lead on Manchester United after they took Stoke City into a corner, bent them over, and pulverized their anuses (that looks awkward pluralized, but then again, when does anyone ever pluralize the word anus?). The Blues took care of business and destroyed Stoke 7-0 this afternoon, making it the second time this month that they have scored 7 goals in one match. Notably, Solomon Kalou had a hat trick to help his team get the victory. Frank Lampard added a brace (one of them being a penalty...surprise!) and Daniel Sturridge and Florent Malouda decided to rub it in a little with the sixth and seventh goals.

Manchester United, on the other hand, is still waiting in the shadows for Chelsea to drop points somewhere. They beat Spurs on Saturday morning 3-1. The game looked headed for a draw before the ageless wonder Ryan Giggs scored two goals in twenty minutes to give the Red Devils the victory.

This was good news for any teams in the race for fourth, as it meant that Tottenham had dropped a vital three points which would have put them comfortably in the driver's seat on their way to Europe. Man City failed to capitalize on this, however, as they stumbled to a 0-0 draw at the Emirates as well. Those two results make the race to fourth particularly interesting now, as Liverpool crushed Burnley so badly that it got them relegated (ok, they were doomed anyways, but I'd like to think it was that bad of a win). They won 4-0 at Turf Moor to send Burnley back to the Championship and move within two points of fourth place. Steven Gerrard seems to have found his form again, and by God will Liverpool need it (and a shitload of luck) if they are to have any chance at making fourth place.

Aston Villa also relegated a team this weekend, as their 1-0 win at Hull officially sends the Tigers back down to the Championship, unless they can score 23 goals in the next two games, allow none, and West Ham lose their next two games without scoring. Impossible is nothing (unless you're Hull)

Here's a look at some important fixtures that will take place over the next two weeks.

Chelsea
~~v. Stoke~~ W 7-0
@Liverpool
v. Wigan

Manchester United:
~~v. Tottenham~~ W 3-1
@Sunderland
v. Stoke

Tottenham:
~~@Manchester United~~ L 1-3
v. Bolton
@Manchester City
@Burnley

Manchester City:
~~@Arsenal~~ D 0-0
v. Aston Villa
v. Tottenham
@West Ham

Liverpool:
~~v. West Ham~~ W 3-0
~~@Burnley~~ W 4-0
v. Chelsea
@Hull

Aston Villa
@ Manchester City
v. Blackburn

Seems to me like Liverpool will have a hand in the title race after all, and that Manchester City have the schedule that could change things the most in the race for fourth, as wins over Villa and Spurs would be huge.

Only two more weeks left in the season!!!

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Nostradamus...ish

2010-04-25T23:36:00.002-04:00

Ahhhh it feels really good to be 3 for 3 in my NHL playoff predictions. I mean, not that any of the predictions were massive upsets or anything (aside from maybe Philadelphia knocking off New Jersey) but it still feels nice. It feels even nicer when I get it SPOT ON. Remember this?

(1) San Jose Sharks vs. (8) Colorado Avalanche

Ahhhh remember the days when the Avs were THE team to beat and they duked it out with Detroit every season for a spot in the Stanley Cup Finals? Yeah, those days are LONG gone. In fact, they're so long gone that pretty much nobody expected them to make it to the playoffs. They're so long gone that nobody even expected them to finish above 15th place in the Western Conference (and to put that in perspective, there are 15 teams in the western conference). But here they are, having no business in the playoffs, up against the best team in the west in the San Jose Sharks.

If I recall correctly, the Sharks are known for always having great teams and then choking come playoff time. I don't think that they'll get bounced from the playoffs in the first round, but what I do think is that Colorado will give them a hard time. The Avs just took game 1 in the dying seconds as I write this, so there is your hard time noted. Not really much to say that everyone doesn't already know in that the Sharks probably have the best offensive line in the league, and the Avs...don't. Adam Foote and Milan Hejduk are there to remind Denver of the glory days, but the optimism will end there.

Prediction: Sharks in 6

Hey guess how the series ended. Go on. Hit me with your best shot. If you said 'Sharks in 4,' guess again. Maybe you said 'Sharks in 5?' You were wrong. Zan was right when he said 'Sharks in 6,' though, and I will bask in my glory of prediction until the end of time.

The Sharks stumbled out of the gate against the Avs in this series, but recovered from 2 losses early in the series to take game six and kick the Avalanche to the curb and back to Denver. The big story of this series has to be the fact that the big, bad Shark line of Heatley-Thornton-Marleau could only muster one goal in six games, and yet the Sharks still pulled out the series win. Shows their depth and skill, if you ask me, but I'd be willing to bet some hockey pundit on TV thinks otherwise and will say the Sharks get kicked out of the playoffs in the second round. I don't believe so, and I will go out on a limb and say they'll make it to the conference finals, but stay tuned to find out.

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Nostradamus...ish

2010-04-25T00:03:00.002-04:00

Remember what I said about the Pittsburgh-Ottawa series?

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) Ottawa Senators

This matchup should be the most fun to watch out of all of them. The Penguins and Senators meet in the playoffs for what seems like every year now and so they know each other pretty much inside out, which should be cause for an interesting matchup. I don't, however, see Brian Elliot standing up to the test of playoff hockey, not to mention the Sens' inexperienced D.

The Penguins, on the other hand, are defending Stanley Cup champions, and Sidney Crosby made everyone in this country just a little happier (ok, a LOT happier) when he put that infamous puck past Ryan Miller. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing, really, I just enjoy reminisciing about that moment.

To sum it up, the Senators are good. The Penguins are better.

Prediction: Penguins in 7

The Penguins ousted the Senators tonight in OT with the series winning goal coming off the stick of Pascal Dupuis. The Sens were leading 3-0 at one point in the second period, only to meltdown and allow the Penguins to tie the game up with a goal from Matt Cooke. Sidney Crosby didn't even get on the score sheet, but the Penguins outlasted the Senators and took the series in 6 games. This makes Zan The Sports Man 2 for 2 in hockey playoff predictions so far this season (not counting the game predictions).

And somehow, if you think about it really hard, Leaf fans get the last laugh over Sens fans again.

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Keep An Eye On 'Em...

2010-04-24T23:42:00.002-04:00

Alex Rios went 3 for 4 today against the Mariners, going deep in the ninth off former White Sock David Aardsma and ending the game in dramatic fashion, as the walkoff job gave the Sox a 5-4 win. I think it's fair to say that this officially puts Rios in the good books for fans on the south side of Chicago.

The homerun gives him 3 on the year and his good day at the plate pushes his average up to .281 from .250 before the game started. He also stole a base, giving him four on the season. Last year, Rios didn't hit 3 homeruns until May 10th.

In other former Jay news, Marco Scutaro had a big three run homerun for the Red Sox today, contributing to their 7-6 win over the Orioles. He's hitting .273 with 2 homeruns and 6 RBI under the big lights of Fenway Park.

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Jays Go Down(s) To Rays

2010-04-24T23:30:00.003-04:00

So..uh...what the hell happened in that 8th inning there in Tampa tonight? Here we were, with a nice 3-2 lead on the Rays and all of a sudden they went MLB 10: The Show on our asses and smashed everything that was thrown at them for a 7 run bottom of the 8th. Scott Downs couldn't even get an out as he blew the save and took the loss after allowing three runs, and Casey Janssen was no better as he gave up 4 runs on one out. Jeremy Accardo finally came in and stopped the bleeding, getting the final two outs of the inning, but it should be noted that we were already dead at that point.

Supplementary Observations:

Lyle Overbay hit his first homerun of the season, pushing his average to .152 while Randy Ruiz kept the bench warm for him. Overbay also stole a base.

As a team, the Jays struck out 10 times and left 9 runners on base.

Scott Downs' 3 runs allowed on 16 pitches is an average of about 1 run per 5 pitches, while Casey Janssen's 4 earned runs on 15 pitches is an average of just over a run every 4 pitches. Put in perspective, if Ricky Romero had that pace today, he would have given up 27 runs.

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Aaron Hill Is On Pace To Hit 48 Homeruns

2010-04-24T00:29:00.002-04:00

It's been a while since Vernon Wells hit a ding-dong, so I figured I'd switch things up today and give an update on Aaron Hill, who returned to the Blue Jays lineup tonight after spending some time on the DL. He picked up his first homerun of the season, and 48 is where he's expected to be at by season's end (the stats don't lie, I swear).

Supplementary Observations:

The Jays knocked around Matt Garza early tonight, who gave up 4 runs in the first inning alone. I had the pleasure of seeing Fred Lewis take the lead off walk before having to get up and do a bunch of chores for my mother and then coming back in the 9th to see that we were up 6-4. Garza came into the game with a 3-0 record and a 0.75 ERA, but left it without his perfect record and an ERA that had been raised to 2.17.

Although Mr. Wells didn't homer, he did continue his torrid start to the season, going 2 for 5, which included an RBI double in the first inning that drove home Fred Lewis. His average now stands at .344, and for anyone wondering, he's now on pace to hit 60 homeruns.

Lyle Overbay also hit an RBI double, pushing his average to .127. Randy Ruiz platoon anyone?

I'm really liking Fred Lewis. It's never a bad thing to have a fast black man on your team, and Lewis seems like he's up for the job of filling the hole that we have at the leadoff position. He seems like he'll replace Alex Rios just fine (in terms of position and number). He'll never be as big or sexy, though. Sorry, Fred.

In pitching news, Bret Cecil got his first win of the season in his first start after being called up from Triple-A Las Vegas in place of the injured Brian Tallet. Jason Frasor was shaky even in the setup role, giving up a run and two walks in his one inning of work. Kevin Gregg, on the other hand, went 1.1 innings and struck out two to pick up save number 5 on the season.

The Rays used 6 pithcers in the game, which should make for an interesting series if they have to go to the bullpen extensively in any of the next few games. Good news for the Jays, though.

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Nostradamus...ish

2010-04-22T23:44:00.003-04:00

If anyone remembers, this is what I had to say about the Flyers-Devils series:

(2) New Jersey Devils vs. (7) Philadelphia Flyers

I really like how the Flyers play hockey, I have to admit. After watching them absolutely pound the Canadiens on Good Friday, I think that the Flyers are a dark horse to make it pretty far into the playoffs. Not Stanley Cup far, but perhaps Conference Finals far. But that's only if they have all cogs working. Everyone's making a big deal out of the Boucher-Brodeur matchup in net, which, quite frankly is a joke, considering it's the best goaltender of all time up against a guy who has never won more than 20 games in a season in his career. Clearly that round goes to Brodeur.

Everyone's forgetting about Ilya Kovalchuk, though, and I think that he'll be a big factor in this series. Sure, he hasn't exactly excelled with the Devils, but the lure of playoff hockey might bring out the best in him. Plus, I have a soft spot for him. On the other side, don't forget about Jeff Carter.

Prediction: Flyers in 6

I wasn't quite bang on with the prediction, as I did expect more out of New Jersey, but the Flyers capped off the series tonight with a 3-0 win over the Devils and a 4-1 series win. It's the third straight year that New Jersey has been kicked to the curb in the first round, and to be honest, they didn't do much to deserve to win (they scored only 3 goals in the entire series). The Mighty Boosh (Brian Boucher) got his second shutout of the series and the Flyers, as I said, will most certainly be a team to watch out for in the post-season.

Elsewhere on the ice, the Senators kept their hopes alive with a win over the Penguins, shifting that series to 3-2 in favour of Pittsburgh. In the west, Chicago beat Nashville 3-0 to knot up the series at 2.

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Baby, It Hurts To Love You...

2010-04-22T21:19:00.003-04:00

The Doctor was in last night against the Atlanta Braves, and boy oh boy did he ever throw some advil on their asses. Mr. Halladay was up to his usual antics that we became so fond of in Toronto, pushing his record to 4-0. His line?

9.0 IP, 5H, 0ER, 7K

It's his first complete game shutout as a Phillie and I forsee many more to come in the weaker National League. Don't forget that he's not playing the Red Sox and Yankees 18 times a piece anymore either. And oh, did I mention this lowers his ERA to 0.82? Two words:

Cy Young.

You call it madness, but I call it love.

Inter 3-1 Barcelona...Wait...What?

2010-04-21T00:20:00.002-04:00

Inter Milan took a commanding 3-1 lead against Barcelona in their Champion's League semi-final tie. After Barca took the lead via Pedro in the first half, Inter responded and never looked back with goals from Wesley Sneijder, Maicon, and Milito. Barcelona did manage to grab that vital away goal, but they will still need to win by at least two goals next week if they are to successfully defend their European title.

What the fuck? I guess this solidifies Jose Mourinho's 'special one' status, as the 3-1 loss to Inter was Barcelona's biggest defeat in the Pep Guardiola era (Yes, losing by two goals was the worst lost any Barcelona fan has had to endure in the past two years. Your lives must be terrible.) He still has to take Inter to Nou Camp to finish them off, but who can ever forget what he did to Manchester United with Porto 6 years ago? I think if anyone can do it, Mourinho can.

The second leg takes place next week at the Nou Camp, where, as we all know, anything can happen.

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Keep An Eye On 'Em...

2010-04-20T23:44:00.004-04:00

A lot like in real life when you break up with a girl, you tend to keep an eye on them to see how they're doing. Not like calling them up everyday and asking them personally, but more like listening to the whisperings of the people around you that know her as well. I feel it's a lot like that in sports too, as I find myself constantly keeping an eye on all the former Jays that play in their new towns, donning new jerseys, but eliciting the same emotions from within me.

The greatest example of this for me is, of course, Roy Halladay, but I find myself watching Alex Rios as well. I don't really care what anyone says, I'm going to go ahead and give him the inside the park homerun today. He hit a triple in the White Sox's 4-1 win against the Rays and came around to score on Jason Bartlett's throwing error on the same play.

He's big. He's sexy. He's Alex Rios.

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 69 Homeruns

2010-04-20T23:33:00.003-04:00

I'm pretty sure the AL player of the month award is being gift wrapped and addressed to Vernon Wells, who hit his 7th homerun of the season. He went 3-4 tonight with the homerun, and two doubles, raising his average to .364. Wells didn't hit 7 homeruns until June 24th last season, so this is encouraging considering the boner I'm getting thinking about how many homeruns he should hit by June 24th of this season. The 69 homerun pace is also very amusing to me.

Supplementary Observations:

Lyle Overbay hit a double and took a walk, raising his average to .127 (that's up 12 points from last night). He's been looking a lot more like the Overbay of old in the past couple of games.

Dana Eveland continues to pitch well, but he only went into the sixth tonight. He gave up 8 hits, 2 runs and struck out 3.

Jason Frasor picked up the hold and made way for Kevin Gregg to notch save number four on the season, so perhaps the Jays made the right move in switching the two around.

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 63 Homeruns

2010-04-19T22:39:00.004-04:00

He hasn't homered in 4 whole games now, but Vernon Wells is still on pace to break Roger Maris' once single-season record of 61 homeruns (Do Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds really count anymore?). He did, however, manage to grab a double tonight and came around to score on Jose Bautista's first homerun of the night. Wells was looking like his good ol' self, though, leaving 4 guys stranded on base tonight.

Boner-Inducing Observations:

Brandon Morrow pitched a nice game for the first time as a Blue Jay. He went 7 strong innings giving up 3 hits, one run, and struck out 8 batters along the way. He also lowered his early season ERA by about 5 runs. I have a feeling our relationship with Morrow this season is going to be a lot like our relationship was with AJ Burnett. Some nights he's going to have it going like he has the spirit of Randy Johnson inside of him, and other nights he'll shit the bed like a three year old who just started potty training.

Travis Snider hit his second homerun of the season.

If you didn't hear Buck Martinez mention it twelve times, Lyle Overbay got on base four times tonight. This raises his average to .115.

Jose Bautista did his best Shin-Soo Choo impression, absolutely crushed two baseballs into the stands tonight, collecting 5 RBI along the way. I'm also enjoying his beard.

Things To Keep In Mind:

We were playing the Royals.

Fred Lewis has officially replace Alex Rios by taking his number 15. Let's hope he's just as big and just as sexy at the plate as Rios was 3 years ago.

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You Ain't Nothin' But A Hound Dog...

2010-04-19T21:48:00.003-04:00

I remember mentioning in my NL West predictions that I was going to follow Elvis Andrus' season for no logical reason whatsoever. I believe it was because he is my age and has the name of a guy who died on the toilet. Anyways, here's an update on how he's doing so far this season.

Andrus was recently named the leadoff hitter by the Texas Rangers, replacing Julio Borbon(er). He's hitting .324 with 4 RBI and 4 runs to go along with 6 walks. Pretty decent if you ask me.

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Really, New Jersey?

2010-04-19T21:28:00.004-04:00

The New Jersey Devils are down 2-1 in their opening round playoff series against the Philadelphia Flyers. This is good in terms of making me look like a pundit, as I predicted them to win in 6 games here, but the Devils really should not have been allowing Dan Carcillo to score the OT winner. It was off his goal that the Flyers won the game 3-2.

Just to give you an idea of the kind of player Carcillo is, his career stats read as follows:

225 GP, 32G, 35A, 67P, 859PIM

I'm sure you can draw your own conclusions based on those numbers, but I think it's pretty safe to say that Carcillo is no Crosby. Who knows, though, maybe he's having his breakout season, like that time when Tie Domi managed to score 15 goals, but really?

Really, New Jersey?

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Wigan "Liverpool" Arsenal

2010-04-19T21:16:00.005-04:00

Pretty much any hopes that Arsenal had of winning the title were shattered, stomped on and shit on in Sunday afternoon's match against Wigan. The closet Spurs fan inside of me is delighted.

After taking a 2-0 lead via Theo Walcott and Mikel Silvestre on either side of half time. I didn't see the match, but I would assume that this would lead Arsenal to a cruising victory, Wigan decided to take a page from Rafa Benitez's 2005 Champion's League Final handbook, scoring three goals in the span of ten minutes (80-90) and leaving Arsenal feeling like a man in jail who had just dropped the soap in the shower.

The loss leaves Arsenal 6 points behind leaders Chelsea with only three games to go, so unless Chelsea fail to manage any points against Stoke, Liverpool and Wigan, Arsenal are finished.

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The Race Is On

2010-04-17T22:01:00.004-04:00

The race is officially on in the Premier League after today's action. The race to the title, of course, just got a bit more interesting as Manchester United picked up the win against arch-rivals Manchester City, and Chelsea lost their tight grip on the Premier League. The race to fourth place also heated up, as Spurs were the team to sink Chelsea to take a firm grasp on fourth place.

The Manchester derby proved to be a dramatic affair once again, as Paul Scholes' 93rd minute goal (with 20 seconds remaining in stoppage time, no less) sunk the blue side of Manchester under a cloud of misery. This is the second time this season that United have beaten City in the dying seconds of a match (see: Michael Owen)

In the London derby of the day, Spurs went against all odds and handed Chelsea a 2-1 loss, putting a massive dent in their title hopes. Chelsea still hold a 1 point lead over Manchester United, but will now be looking over their shoulders the rest of the way as their lofty four point lead is now history. Jermaine Defoe scored a penalty in the first half after (adulterer) John Terry hand balled in the box. Gareth Bale (the guy who, for the longest time, was known as 'the guy who makes Spurs lose whenever he starts) sealed the victory with Spurs' second goal and Frank Lampard netted a consolation goal in the dying minutes.

Spurs, now sitting at 64 points, have sole possession of that coveted Champion's League spot with a two point lead on Manchester City. Liverpool, sitting at 56 points, have a snowball's chance in hell at making the spot, as they must win all their remaining games, and will be banking on City and Spurs to lose all their remaining games to even have a shot at qualifying for the Champion's League next season.

The remaining fixtures for each team looks as follows:

Chelsea
v. Stoke
@Liverpool
v. Wigan

Manchester United:
v. Tottenham
@Sunderland
v. Stoke

Tottenham:
@Manchester United
v. Bolton
@Manchester City
@Burnley

Manchester City:
@Arsenal
v. Aston Villa
v. Tottenham
@West Ham

Liverpool:
v. West Ham
@Burnley
v. Chelsea
@Hull

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The Bastard(o) Watch

2010-04-17T21:55:00.003-04:00

My second favourite Phillie was in action on Friday night, picking up his second hold of the season against the almighty Nationals. He did give up a run on 2 hits, but still remains, without question, the player with the most un-motherly name in baseball.

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Ubaldo Jiminez Says No

2010-04-17T21:50:00.002-04:00

Ubaldo Jiminez just completed the first no-hitter in Colorado Rockies franchise history by defeating the Braves. He was far from perfect, though, giving up 6 walks and throwing 129 pitches. He struck out 7 and even got himself an RBI in the process while (of course) going the distance.

Finally a pitcher completes his no hit bid this season, after C.C Sabathia, Ricky Romero and Shawn Marcum all had no-hit bids into the 7th and 8th innings.

Something tells me Jimenez is going to get hammered next time out. But congratulations to him, nevertheless.

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This Is The Game That Never Ends...

2010-04-17T21:45:00.005-04:00

The Mets and the Cardinals started playing a game of baseball at 4 p.m. ET this afternoon. I was at work watching the box score for a bit as I have Johan Santana on one of my fantasy teams. I got home from work at 9 and the game was still going in the 15th inning. In fact, it's still going as it's now the 17th inning as I write this. Ryan Ludwick just got caught up in a rundown trying to score. It seems like nobody wants to win this game.

Did I mention the score? Yeah...0-0. Talk about a pitcher's duel.

UPDATE: The Cardinals have run out of pitchers and so now Felipe Lopez, the Cardinals SHORTSTOP, is now pitching on the mound in the top of the 18th inning.

The Mets managed to push across a run in the top of the 19th inning off second basemen Joe Mather, who was clearly never made to be a pitcher as he found everything BUT the strike zone, leading everyone to believe that the Mets had the game in the bag. Albert Pujols refused, however, and got to third base, upon which Yadier Molina drove him in with a two-out single. Top of the 20th, here we come...

The Mets eventually won the game 2-1 on a Jose Reyes sac fly. The two teams combined for 130 total ABs, 35 strikeouts, and used 20 pitchers (including SS Felipe Lopez and 2B Joe Mather).

The stat that really stands out, though, is the amount of runners that the two teams left on base. The two teams left more people stranded on base that Oceanic Flight 815 (sorry, Drunk Jays Fans, that line was far too good to pass up). Together, the Mets and Cardinals left 53 runners on base, in a game that didnt get its first run until the 19th inning. Yikes.

The rubber match goes tomorrow on Sunday Night Baseball.

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Baby, It Hurts To Love You...

2010-04-16T23:08:00.003-04:00

Roy Halladay made his home debut tonight in front of the Phillies faithful at Citizen's Bank Park. His line?

8.0 IP, 8H, 2R, 4K

I sense he'll be doing a lot more of this throughout the entire season, but he's got nothing on Ricky Romero's no-hit bid from Tuesday night, which helped me forget a little bit about my doctor ex-lover (even if it did remind me of Mr. Halladay's second ever career start against the Tigers). He picked up the win as the Phillies beat out the Marlins 8-6.

"Him that I love, I wish to be free -- even from me."

Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 82 Homeruns

2010-04-16T22:51:00.003-04:00

The Beast in the (AL) East hit another ding dong this evening, absolutely crushing a Jered Weaver offering over the left field stands, raising his pace to 82 homeruns in the process. He also got on base two other times, going 3 for 4. His average now sits at .385.

Triple Crown, anyone?

Unfortunately, Wells' homerun wasn't enough for Jered Weaver to continue his winning ways over the Jays as the Angels took the game 7-5. The Jays did fight back, but the former moustache man struck out half-swinging with a man on in the bottom of the 8th to end the threat of a Jays comeback.

Supplementary Observations...

-I thoroughly enjoy how angry our starting pitchers are getting when they are pitching poorly. Ricky Romero was visibly upset on Tuesday night when he gave up his no-hitter to (big, sexy) Rios, and Marcum was equally unimpressed when he was pulled from the game in the 7th. I like the passion.

-Randy Ruiz hit his first homerun of the season, and I personally think that this officially begins the argument over whether he should be starting/platooning at first base instead of Overbay.

-Fred Lewis is officially a Blue Jay, which means we have a real life leadoff man. The Giants got cash and future considerations for him. No seriously. even his facebook page says so

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The Bastard(o) Watch

2010-04-16T01:39:00.004-04:00

As I mentioned in my predictions for the NL East, I'm going to be watching Antonio Bastardo very closely this season, simply because of his amazing name, and also because I am almost certain my mother would do a double take upon seeing that name on the back of a jersey.

Bastardo had a scoreless inning of work last night for the Phillies up against the almighty Nationals. He did struggle a little bit with his command, giving up 2 walks, but he struck out one, and got out of the inning unscathed, according to his game log. In 2.2 innings of work this season, he has 1 hold, he's given up no runs, struck out 3 and walked 3.

Not bad, Bastardo. Not bad at all.

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De Rosario 2, Union 1

2010-04-16T00:44:00.002-04:00

I had the pleasure of attending the Toronto FC home opener tonight and watching some world class soccer...if world class can be defined as punting the ball up and down the field until someone isn't in an offside position to score a goal. The MLS is to soccer what the British Ice Hockey League is to hockey.

Regardless of that, however, we must march on and support our home team. TFC took a 1-0 lead via ~~the Philadelphia Union's goalkeeper being an absolute clusterfuck~~ Dwayne De Rosario's first half free kick after a Danny Califf red card. Califf pretty much decked Julian De Guzman on his way to goal, resulting in an early shower. But I would've given him a red card based on his hairstyle choices. Below is a representation of Califf's hair:

The Union, however, tied the game up with some nice passing, leading to a goal from Jordan Harvey. They pretty much outplayed Toronto in the first half and after being a man down for most of the game, ran out of gas towards the end. Keeper Chris Seitz came out to try to take the ball from O'Brien White, but ended up not getting any of the ball at all, leading to a Toronto penalty. De Rosario barely put the ball past Seitz (he went the right way) and one Scarborough Shuffle later, TFC were on their way to a win. De Ro, however, should've had his hat-trick after some fantastic passing from Toronto. I'm not sure who did it, but someone threaded a brilliant ball through to Chad Barrett, who dashed into the box and threaded an equally brilliant ball (probably because he knew if he tried to shoot he'd miss completely) to De Rosario on the left side. DeRo then proceeded to hit the cross bar. They still won 2-1, but I think everyone came away from the match with a similar feeling:

Fuck cross bars.

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 76 Homeruns

2010-04-16T00:23:00.003-04:00

Still on pace to break the record, the number is starting to diminish as the games go past. Wells went 2 for 4 tonight with a walk (intentional) and 2 strikeouts. At least half his night was good. But hey, he stole a base so that's gotta count for something. 40/40 club? I think so.

The Jays won tonight, rounding out the series split with the White Sox with a 7-3 win; sharing means caring, everyone. Alex Gonzalez continued his torrid hitting grabbing 4 hits and 3 RBI. Really? Alex Gonzalez? I thought he was for sure going to be doo doo butter, but those 4 hits push his average to .349 and let's not forget that he is also still on pace to hit 61 homeruns. Suck on that, Roger Maris.

Other things to note in the game:

Lyle Overbay's O-fer (on four strikeouts) means that he's now hitting .077 to start the season. Personally, I think him shaving off his porn stache only hindered his ability at the plate.

Jose Bautista took 3 walks tonight.

Dana Eveland pitched a good, solid game once again. He is now 2-0.

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Some Audacious Predictions...NHL Eastern Conference

2010-04-15T00:42:00.004-04:00

I don't think I could really get by writing this blog without mentioning hockey every now and then, and considering I live in Canada, it's kind of hard not to follow the playoffs as it's the only God forsaken thing that TSN will show for the next six months (like when they pick a meaningless hockey headline over a midseason baseball game as their opening story in the middle of July). But there ain't no hockey like playoff hockey (except Olympic hockey) so I think it's only fair that I get my predictions in before it's too late.

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (8) Montreal Canadiens

Apparently there's already some bad blood going on in this series and it hasn't even started. Tomas Plekanec was caught saying that he thinks that Montreal has the upperhand in the goaltending department, to which former Canadien and now current Capital responded with "Who said that? Jagr? No? Plekanec? Who's that?" I like the anger being shown already.

It's really hard NOT to pick Washington to win this series, considering the fact that they have the best player in the NHL and the most potent offense as well. And Jose Theodore is no slouch either. I think (much like all these Yahoo writers) that Jaroslav Halak will be an important factor in this series, as he could steal it if he stands on his head...like Curtis-Joseph-1993-against-the-Leafs-stands-on-his-head.

Prediction: Caps in 5.

(2) New Jersey Devils vs. (7) Philadelphia Flyers

I really like how the Flyers play hockey, I have to admit. After watching them absolutely pound the Canadiens on Good Friday, I think that the Flyers are a dark horse to make it pretty far into the playoffs. Not Stanley Cup far, but perhaps Conference Finals far. But that's only if they have all cogs working. Everyone's making a big deal out of the Boucher-Brodeur matchup in net, which, quite frankly is a joke, considering it's the best goaltender of all time up against a guy who has never won more than 20 games in a season in his career. Clearly that round goes to Brodeur.

Everyone's forgetting about Ilya Kovalchuk, though, and I think that he'll be a big factor in this series. Sure, he hasn't exactly excelled with the Devils, but the lure of playoff hockey might bring out the best in him. Plus, I have a soft spot for him. On the other side, don't forget about Jeff Carter.

Prediction: Flyers in 6

(3) Buffalo Sabres vs. (6) Boston Bruins

The Bruins really sneaked into the playoffs at the end of the season and so either they'll be riding that streak straight into the playoffs, or they'll be completely gassed from trying to make the playoffs. The Sabres, on the other hand, have been in cruise control pretty much since the Olympic break. Ryan Miller has stood on his head for team and country this year, single-handedly taking the USA to the Olympic gold medal match, and I don't see the Bruinsgetting too much past him.

Miroslav Satan (how wrong does that name look on the back of a jersey?) might have a fire in him to get one over his old team, and Zdeno Chara is always solid at the back, but other than that I don't see anything working in Boston's favour.

Prediction: Sabres Sweep

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (5) Ottawa Senators

This matchup should be the most fun to watch out of all of them. The Penguins and Senators meet in the playoffs for what seems like every year now and so they know each other pretty much inside out, which should be cause for an interesting matchup. I don't, however, see Brian Elliot standing up to the test of playoff hockey, not to mention the Sens' inexperienced D.

The Penguins, on the other hand, are defending Stanley Cup champions, and Sidney Crosby made everyone in this country just a little happier (ok, a LOT happier) when he put that infamous puck past Ryan Miller. What does that have to do with anything? Nothing, really, I just enjoy reminisciing about that moment.

To sum it up, the Senators are good. The Penguins are better.

Prediction: Penguins in 7

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 85 Homeruns

2010-04-15T00:36:00.003-04:00

That number really keeps going down, and yet the man, the myth, the legend that is Vernon Wells is still well on pace to smash the single-season homerun record. He went 0-2 tonight with a walk as the Jays got absolutely hammered 11-1 by the ChiSox.

Every White Sox hitter apart from Omar Vizquel and Mark Kotsay had a hit in tonight's win over Toronto, and Carlos Quentin had a notable 6 RBI at the plate (4 from a grand salami). On the flip side, John Danks did his best impression of Ricky Romero from last night, giving up a mere 2 hits over 7 innings (to Jose Bautista and Randy Ruiz). Brandon Morrow is also beginning to scare the shit out of me.

But hey, at least we still have the MVP.

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Bulls In; Raptors Out

2010-04-15T00:28:00.003-04:00

It was a mix of relief and sadness for me tonight upon finding out that the Toronto Raptors have been eliminated from playoff contention; relief because it means that we won't have to get embarrassed by LBJ and completely obliterated out of the first round, and sadness because I would've liked to go and see him obliterate said Raptors out of the first round in person at the ACC.

The Raps did pick up the win against the Knicks tonight, pulling it out 131-113, but they needed the Bulls to lose for them to get into the playoffs. The Bulls did us no favours and beat out Charlotte 98-89, most likely because of the Bobcats resting their players for the playoffs.

I can't really say I'm that disappointed. They shit the bed on Sunday night when they were supposed to come out and get an advantage over the Bulls, and quite frankly the way they played in that game showed me (and everyone in Toronto, for that matter) that they ~~are absolute shite~~ weren't exactly worthy of a playoff position.

But then, living in Toronto we should all know:

There's always next year.

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Spurs Win North London Derby

2010-04-15T00:22:00.003-04:00

Tottenham took the spoils in the north London derby this afternoon for the first time since 1999 against their bitter rivals Arsenal, and being a closet Spurs fan (after Liverpool, of course), this made me pretty happy. The win has to be triple sweet for Spurs fans considering that it is not only a win over the scum, not only is it a win that keeps them in the race to fourth place, but also it pretty much means that Arsenal's title hopes have been shattered.

Apparently, some 19 year old named Danny Rose (who?) scored on a brilliant strike from 30 yards out. I've yet to see it, but I can't imagine it compares to David Bentley's strike from last year. Gareth Bale (really?) added a second just past halftime to give Spurs a 2-nil lead and Nicklas Bendtner grabbed a consolation goal late in the 85th minute. I'm not sure if the statistic is still accurate, but I think this marks the first time that Gareth Bale was in the starting lineup and Spurs actually won. If anyone knows otherwise, please feel free to correct me.

Come on you Spurs.

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Some Audacious Predictions...NHL Western Conference

2010-04-15T00:15:00.004-04:00

With the Eastern Conference out of the way, it's time to take a look at the Western Conference side of the playoffs in the NHL. I don't know as much about hockey as about baseball and soccer, but I think I can give a fair shot at predicting what will happen. What is this round called anyways? Conference quarterfinals? Who actually calls it that? Anyways, here you go.

(1) San Jose Sharks vs. (8) Colorado Avalanche

Ahhhh remember the days when the Avs were THE team to beat and they duked it out with Detroit every season for a spot in the Stanley Cup Finals? Yeah, those days are LONG gone. In fact, they're so long gone that pretty much nobody expected them to make it to the playoffs. They're so long gone that nobody even expected them to finish above 15th place in the Western Conference (and to put that in perspective, there are 15 teams in the western conference). But here they are, having no business in the playoffs, up against the best team in the west in the San Jose Sharks.

If I recall correctly, the Sharks are known for always having great teams and then choking come playoff time. I don't think that they'll get bounced from the playoffs in the first round, but what I do think is that Colorado will give them a hard time. The Avs just took game 1 in the dying seconds as I write this, so there is your hard time noted. Not really much to say that everyone doesn't already know in that the Sharks probably have the best offensive line in the league, and the Avs...don't. Adam Foote and Milan Hejduk are there to remind Denver of the glory days, but the optimism will end there.

Prediction: Sharks in 6

(2) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (7) Nashville Predators

I've always had a soft spot for the city of Chicago. Both their baseball teams hadn't won a World Series in about 80 years (until the White Sox in 2005...and the Cubs are...well...doomed) and their hockey team hasn't won the Cup for a longer time than the Leafs. Yikes.

Patrick Kane, Marian Hossa and Jonathan Toews should spell the end of Nashville in the playoffs unless Martin Erat and Patrick Hornqvist can keep up their regular season form, and Steve Sullivan and Jason Arnott can somehow de-age 10 years.

Prediction: Hawks in 5

(3) Vancouver Canucks vs. (6) Los Angeles Kings

This one will go 7 games. The Canucks are a good team, but they're always prone to choke. The Sedin twins are fantastic and go along great with Ryan Kesler, Pavol Demitra (who is prone to missing wide open nets. See: Canada vs. Slovakia, 2010 Olympics) and Roberto Luongo at the back is never a bad thing. The Kings, however, are young and poised and they are probably eager to get their playoff careers off to a flying start. It's a tough one to call.

Prediction: Kings in 7

(4) Phoenix Coyotes vs. (5) Detroit Red Wings

The Phoenix Coyotes are supposed to suck. Ilya Bryzgalov, however, has lead them to not suck. He can stand on his head and steal some games for the Kye Yotes, but I don't think it will be enough against a Red Wing team that hasn't missed the playoffs in as long as I can remember. In fact, after some googling on the matter, they haven't missed the playoffs since the 1989-90 season, which is when I was about 1 year old. They're always good to go deep in the playoffs, and there's a reason for that: experience.

Prediction: Red Wings in 6

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Oilers Get First Pick: Leafs Screwed

2010-04-13T22:26:00.003-04:00

Living in Canada it's pretty hard not to know every single fact and widget about the NHL possible considering that we have it stuffed down our throats much like college football in America. If you were watching any sports channel in Toronto tonight, you would know that the Edmonton Oilers won the draft lottery for Taylor Hall or Tyler Seguin. I really don't have much to say about who they should pick because a) I don't know either of them and b) I honestly don't give a shit.

The second pick goes to the ~~Leafs~~ Bruins who will get the sloppy seconds. Just a reminder (not that you needed it because James Duthie has told you already about seventeen thousand times) that the Leafs gave up that pick for the almighty Phil Kessel.

Go Leafs Go.

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 96 Homeruns

2010-04-13T22:13:00.003-04:00

Ahhhh the number keeps going down!!! He's still on pace to smash Bonds' record, but unfortunately, no homerun for Vernon today means that it'll only be by 23 and not by 37. Oh well.

On the bright side, Wells did pick up two doubles on the night, with one of them leading to Alex Gonzalez rounding third and arriving safely at home, giving him 10 RBI on the season. That puts him on pace for a monster, 96 HR 193 RBI season.

Give him the MVP already.

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Matsui Welcomed With Hugs

2010-04-13T22:05:00.003-04:00

Another heartwarming scene in as many days (see: Portsmouth) came out of Yankee Stadium this afternoon. The Yankees were playing host to the Angels in their home opener and in typical World Series winning fashion, they were being presented with their rings before the game began. Last but not least, Matsui was also given a ring and mobbed by his former Yankee teammates as seen above.

It's nice to see that and also to see the Yankee faithfull give the World Series MVP the pop he deserved. Derek Jeter also pulled a little prank on Matsui by placing a fake tin ring in the box before Joe Girardi went over a little while later and handed Matsui the real thing.

Fun stuff.

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Rios Breaks Up Romero's No-No

2010-04-13T21:44:00.003-04:00

I think it was kind of fitting that Alex Rios just broke up Ricky Romero's no-hit bid. Romero took a no-hitter into the 8th inning before 'hitting' AJ Pierzynski and then allowing a two-run homerun to Rios. I can't really explain it, but it's just really fitting.

Romero struck out 12 guys and was really helping in my bid to forget about Mr. Halladay with some nasty curve balls that had the White Sox looking foolish. Kevin Gregg picked up the save after the clusterfuck that is Jason Frasor couldn't manage to do it last night.

In other Jays news, it's official: we now own Adeiny Heccheverria. He signed on a 4 year 10 million dollar contract, but we likely won't see him until next season.

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 110 Homeruns

2010-04-13T01:21:00.004-04:00

He did it again. Yup, Vernon Wells is getting my votes for MVP of the season 7 games in as he belted out homerun number 5 in the third inning of the Jays home opener loss against the White Sox. I tried to get an MVP chant going, but no one was biting. He was back to his same old self much later in the game (i.e. when the needed him) when he grounded into a double play with the bases loaded and was swinging at high fastballs. But hey, 110 homeruns is still something to look forward to!

In the other homerun tracker, Alex Gonzalez just missed homerun number 5 as well in the bottom of the 11th when he smashed a line drive over the fences in left field, but left of the foul pole. It would have won the game, but unfortunately, his pace has gone down to double digits at only 89 homeruns.

Tsk tsk, Alex, tsk tsk.

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Jason Frasor Is Worse Than System Of A Down

2010-04-13T00:57:00.003-04:00

Ah there's nothing like a baseball home opener and the Jays and White Sox certainly delivered a great game tonight. It's a shame that it went in the wrong direction, but the Sox pulled it out with an 8-7 win in 11 innings. Considering the fact that we were up 7-6 in the ninth, though, they really shouldn't have, as Jason Frasor blew the save and allowed Mark Teahen to belt a homerun over the left field fence. Teahen then tripled in the 11th again and put the dagger to the Jays as the Sox went on the win the game.

Some interesting things came out of tonight's game. First and foremost, Jason Frasor slipped up for the second time in five save opportunities, and two blown saves out of five is worse than a Justin Bieber song if you ask me. I don't think it will be long before Cito takes the ball out of his hands and puts it into Kevin Gregg's, or Scott Downs'...or at least I hope it isn't.

Everyone in the entire staidum was booing Alex Rios...except for me. I don't understand why they were booing him like he was the enemy of the state (also known as Vince Carter), but he was met with 49,999 boos whenever he came up to bat or even made a play in center field. In all honesty, he lost favour with me after having a bad season last year and swearing at a child, but he won me back the moment he tipped his cap to all the jeers at the start of the game. Loved it.

Brian Tallet proved that he's not a started by giving up 6 runs over 6 innings. I honestly don't understand why he isn't in the bullpen, but he'll find his way back there before the all-star break, I'm certain. Jake Peavy had a rough welcome to the American League in his second start as a White Sock and I don't think it's going to get much better. He'll be average at best this season.

And then there's Andruw Jones. How the hell did he hit 2 homeruns tonight? I thought he was supposed to suck?

Also, I noticed there's no more in-game host. Whassupwithat? As douchey as Ryan Greer could be, I have to say I kind of missed in the middle of the 8th and 9th inning telling us to get up on our feet because We Are Toronto.

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Baby, It Hurts To Love You...

2010-04-11T23:44:00.004-04:00

No matter how many times I see Mr. Halladay in red and with a P on his cap instead of in black and blue with a T on his cap, it will never ease the pain. Never. Today, he did this:

9.0 IP, 7H, 0ER, 8Ks

*sigh*. He did what I always loved him for in finishing out the game he started all while moving perfectly on the mound in his smooth, silky windup. He did this all with only 111 pitches, which is about 12 pitches per inning for any math geeks out there. I'll continue my Roy Halladay watch throughout the season, which promises to have me wallowing in my self misery as well as providing you with quotes about my feelings towards the Doctor;

"We never stop loving someone, we just learn to live without them"

Portsmouth Book Wembley Date...With Chelsea

2010-04-11T22:54:00.004-04:00

In some heartwarming news today, Portsmouth have reached the FA Cup final after defeating Spurs 2-0 in extra time. Frederic Piquionne scored in the 99th minute and former Spur Kevin Prince Boateng added a penalty in the 117th to give Portsmouth a place at Wembley in the FA Cup final. According to the rules (and soccernet), this apparently allows Portsmouth to qualify for the Europa League as well, but for some reason they haven't applied for a UEFA license. I would imagine that the Europa League would generate quite a bit of money from ticket sales and merchandise and whatnot, so I don't see why Pompey shouldn't go ahead and do it.

It's great news coming out of Portsmouth, considering that they've had a misery lined season, complete with bankruptcy and relegation. Unfortunately, they book a match with Chelsea at Wembley, whose B-side would undoubtedly win in a lopsided contest, but only time will tell.

On the flip side, Spurs should be embarrassed. Before I read the box score, I figured that they had fielded a weaker side to try and push for that fourth place Champions League spot, but I was wrong. They played all their best players and still could not defeat what can only be described as a Championship-quality side.

Shame on you Spurs, shame on you.

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Giuseppe Rossi Wants Hair Tips

2010-04-11T22:49:00.003-04:00

According to the lovely ladies at Kickette, Giuseppe Rossi would like some hair advice. Should he shampoo everyday? Change it up? Use There's-Something-About-Mary-esque hair gel? Who knows? What do you think?

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Vernon Wells & Alex Gonzalez Are On Pace To Hit 125 Homeruns...Each

2010-04-11T22:16:00.004-04:00

0-3, 2BB 1K

That was Vernon Wells' stat line this afternoon, showing shades of the man that we as Jays fans all know and love. His pace is down town to 125 homeruns for the season, which is still pretty decent considering it still shatters Barry Bonds' record.

In another homerun tracker, the reincarnation of the man pictured above, Alex Gonzalez hit his third and fourth homeruns of the season this afternoon, which also puts him on pace to hit 125 homeruns. It should be fun watching two guys shatter the record this year. Maybe we should bat them 3-4.

On a slightly more serious note, Gonzalez HAS shown power in the past, it's just very inconsistent and untrustworthy. As noted here, he hit 18 homeruns for the Marlins in 2003 and followed that up with 23 homers the next season. I wouldn't expect anything like that, as they seem to be blips on the radar, but it shows that he can hit the ball out of the park and with a little bit of luck, he can get somewhere between 15-20 homeruns, which would be awesome coming from someone who I expected to hit less than 10.

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 162 Homeruns

2010-04-10T20:19:00.003-04:00

I'm going to go ahead and declare this the official Vernon Wells homerun tracker for the 2010 season. I'm also going to bet that that projected number is going to go way down as the season progresses, but that's just a hunch. Chances are he'll start seeing those high fastballs again and start swinging at them, turning himself into a human fan from all those whiffs.

I won't, however, let this reality stop me from sucking his balls for the time being:

MVP! MVP!

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You'll Never Guess Who Scored For Barcelona...

2010-04-10T20:12:00.003-04:00

It wasn't quite as amazing as last year's 6-2 win over their rivals in Madrid, but Barcelona were once again crowned El Classico champions in 2010 with a 2-0 win. Lionel Messi was at it again, somewhat disappointingly scoring only one goal instead of his usual quota of three. It was his 40th goal of the season in all competitions and he's having quite the Ronaldo-esque season in terms of that Portuguese bastard's sensational season two years ago. Messi is undoubtedly the best player in the world right now. It should be interesting to see if this form transfers over to the World Cup in June.

Pedro Rodriguez put the icing on the cake, ending Madrid's 15 game home winning streak, and moving ahead of them in the table, three points clear at the top with 7 games to go. Honestly, though? I can't see Barcelona NOT winning the double again this year.

Dear God, that would be an astonishing feat.

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Link of the Day

2010-04-09T15:44:00.001-04:00

Sony's back at it again this year with their amazing commercials for their equally amazing MLB 10: The Show.

Well played, Mauer.

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5 Year Old Is Sick Of The Yankees

2010-04-09T15:24:00.002-04:00

I love this kid.

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Some Audacious Predictions...NL West

2010-04-08T22:21:00.003-04:00

This man's hair is capable of hitting 20 homeruns.

The last in my six part series of audacious predictions brings with it the National League West. I have to say, this division is pretty wide open, aside from the Padres, and the runner up has taken the wild card in three of the past four seasons.

1. Tim Lincecum, bless his soul, will get injured this season. He's pitched 450 innings in the past two seasons, and if history has told me anything, his arm will get tired and he'll get hurt. I love him and it would be nice to see him win his third straight Cy Young, but I don't see it happening.

2. Standing in his way and making his comeback this season is going to be Brandon Webb. I know that he stil has a bit of a way to go before he comes of the DL, but I believe that he will be the Cy Young runner up behind LeRoy Halladay.

3. The Dodgers will win the division.

4. Jon Garland will have a fantastic season. He's not a great pitcher, but I think that he'll benefit (like every other pitcher) from the vast abyss that is Petco Park.

5. Chase Headley and Kyle Blanks will each have a good season. The Padres are indeed terrible, but the emergence of these two will help offset the inevitable loss of Adrian Gonzalez at the trade deadline. Headley's been a prospect for years now, and I think he's gathered the experience he needs to flourish. Blanks had 10 homeruns in 148 at-bats last season. Translation: if he continues, he'll be amongst the top ten in homerun leaders in the National League.

6. Adrian Gonzalez will get traded (duh).

7. Barry Zito will regain his form and pitch well this season. Not as well as his contract tells everyone he should, but well enough for Giants fans to appreciate his talents. Remember his curveball?

8. I don't really see the Rockies making much noise this season, but they are, after all, the Rockies. They'll probably fight it out with the Padres for last place.

And thus completes my set of audacious predictions for the 2010 Major League Baseball season. Chances are, 9/10 of them will be wrong, but it will be nice to see how stupid I look in six months' time.

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Europa League Roundup

2010-04-08T17:36:00.004-04:00

Some good news finally coming out of Anfield as Liverpool recovered from the 2-1 loss a week ago and thrashed Benfica 4-1 kicking them to the curb in the Europa league, and booking themselves a spot in the semi-finals with Athletico Madrid in the process. That should be interesting, seeing as Fernando Torres will be looking to shine against his former employers.

It wasn't as thrilling a win for Fulham as the now famous four goal comeback against Juventus, but a 1-0 victory over Wolfsburg books them a place in the semi-finals as well as they win the tie on a 3-1 aggregate. They will take on Hamburg.

Although it's a little disappointing to have no English teams present in the European Champion's League this season, it should be fun to hope for an all-English Europa League final heading into the business end of the season. And hopefully Liverpool will win as it will finally be a piece of good news coming out of the red side of that city.

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Vernon Wells Is On Pace To Hit 213 Homeruns

2010-04-08T17:18:00.004-04:00

Would you look at that? They Blue Jays won their first series of the season, taking out the Rangers 3-1 this afternoon. Although I didn't catch the game, the box score tells me that it was a pitcher's duel that Texas broke in the seventh inning because of a Ricky Romero wild pitch. As an avid Blue Jays fan, usually this would've put my brain in 'we're doomed for the game' mode, shockingly they put together a nice 9th inning comeback lead by none other than Vernon Wells, who now has 4 homeruns in 3 games. For anyone doing the math out there (or reading the headline of this article) that means that Wells is now on pace to hit 213 homeruns in 2010. Barry Bonds can suck it.

On the flip side of the story, CJ Wilson pitched a nice game, striking out 9 Jays over 7 innings. Something tells me that he'll run out of energy halfway through the season, though, as he's a former closer. Something else you might want to note is that Vladimir Guerrero accounted for 3 out of the Rangers' 5 total hits. Yikes.

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Arjen Robben Has A Magical Foot

2010-04-07T23:33:00.005-04:00

Things started off good for Sir Alex Ferguson's men, as they took a 3-1 lead into halftime. They went to shit, however, when Arjen Robben decided to put a magical strike into the bottom corner of their net. Even United fans cannot deny that it was a brilliant goal, and with that, Manchester United is history in the 2010 Champion's League.

Munchen win a date with Lyon in the semi-finals as they took out Bordeaux in the all-French quarterfinal. Even though they lost 1-0 to Bordeaux through future Arsenal star Marouane Chamakh, they still managed to win the tie 3-2. The semi-finals are set and look as follows:

Bayern Munich v. Lyon

Barcelona v. Inter Milan

It's the first time in 7 years (2003) that no English side features in the semi-finals of the tournament. As a Liverpool fan, it's always fun to see Manchester United lose, but it's even more fun when it means that they've been knocked out of the European Champion's League. Sure, Liverpool's season has been absolutely shit, and sure, it's never a good sign when you bask in another team's misery because that means your team has nothing to cheer for (which is certainly the situation as a Liverpool fan, no doubt about that), but to be frank with you, I don't quite give a damn.

Suck it, Red Devils.

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Some Audacious Predictions...NL Central

2010-04-07T23:05:00.006-04:00

The NL Central is always a fun division. It is the biggest division in baseball with six teams with thre teams always fighting it out for the top spot. You can't help but have a soft spot for the Cubs and the Brewers and Cardinals are always there helping to make this division a three team race. Every now and then, the Astros and the Reds will threaten to do something, but in the past few seasons, they usually don't. Oh, and the Pirates are always a lock to suck. Badly. Like worse than the Blue Jays badly...that's saying something. Here are some audacious predictions about the NL Central.

1. Albert Pujols will hold a press conference one day, unbutton his shirt, and reveal that he is indeed Superman.

2. Now that Lastings Milledge doesn't have any pressure on him (Does anyone really expect the Pirates to ever win anything again?), I think he'll do well. Then again, he had no pressure on him in Washington, so maybe I'm wrong. He did have his best season as a National, though, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say he'll come close to, if not reach 20 homeruns.

3. Prince Fielder will be the first man in a long time to hit 50 homeruns.

4. Rickie Weeks will finally play his first injury-free season and he'll be spectacularly average.

5. Aroldis Chapman will get the call halfway through the season and be phenomenal. I think he will win the 2011 Cy Young award.

6. Alfonso Soriano will hit 35 homeruns and 100+ RBI, but the Cubs will make it 101 years without a World Series because, well, they're the Cubs.

Up Last: NL West

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Oh the Raptors

2010-04-07T23:00:00.003-04:00

This is Jarrett Jack. He's likely saying something like 'look over there!' to Rasheed Wallace in an attempt to distract him so that he can score.

I had the privellege of being at the Raptors-Celtics game tonight, and boy oh boy did those Raptors disappoint me and the rest of the building. They were indeed ahead of the backup Celtics at half time by two points, but then as if a button was pushed after the third quarter, Boston began trying. Ray Allen and Michael Finley kept knocking down threes while Andrea Bargnani kept throwing up shots from all over the court and hitting anything but net. Jarrett Jack and Sunny Weems were the only Raptors that impressed me I also noticed that KG wasn't on the floor for pretty much the entire second half and even still the Raptors were having trouble keeping up. God help them if they make the playoffs and have to have a seven game series with the Cavs, Celtics or Magic: it's the only way they'll win anything.

Oh and some more great news: Chris Bosh is done for the season.

Wells Goes Yard...Again.

2010-04-07T22:54:00.003-04:00

Who is that man in Arlington playing center field for the Jays? He's hit two homeruns tonight which gives him three in the first two games of the season. He looks familiar...but I can't quite pinpoint who it is...

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Link Of The Day...

2010-04-07T00:08:00.002-04:00

I know this has absolutely nothing to do with sports, but it is 23 minutes of your life that you will enjoy to the fullest: